It's coming up on 3 months since I came home from the doctor with a diagnosis of early-onset dementia. He assured me that there is treatment, including a prescription of Aricept, and urged me to "do things" that stimulate my brain to think, to work, to remember. I was taken aback, but not really surprised that there was "something wrong" as my good friends had pointed out to me that I was having memory issues for quite a while (as long as 2 years, according to one friend). I, however, heard the word "dementia" and freaked out, remembering my mother's years of decline into total Alzheimers by the time of her death. It was not pretty seeing her fumbling around in a mental fog for the majority of her final decade, and I could only think, "Dear God, what am I going to do?"
Well, the first thing I did was take Aricept, which triggered the manic phase from hell! I was so filled with energy and enthusiasm that I started decluttering my house to the nth degree. I was a maniac on a mission. I ended up taking the RAV filled with boxes to Angel View a couple of times a day for days on end. When my daughter showed up on my doorstep, wondering what the hell was going on, she got into the spirit of the thing and helped me with the kitchen. I had 18 boxes labeled "dishes" and "kitchen" from when I moved into this house 19 years ago, but they had sat on shelves in the garage unopened, so I just gave them away. I have no idea what was in the boxes, but I hope whatever it was was put to good use by someone else.
Part of what brought my daughter to the desert was my delighted news that I had decided to sell my house and move. In my manic phase (I am bipolar and on meds for that, which apparently reacted to the Aricept), I decided that now was as good a time as any to just pack up and move. The thought didn't go any farther than that, into such mundane questions as to why? where? when? how? I was flying off the rooftops and taking on the whole world. When the children intervened and asked some interesting questions, such as where? when? how? why?, I couldn't respond because that kind of practical information was unavailable. What finally brought me out of my mental state, however, was a very sobering thought: what about my dogs? They are my family, and they go where I go, but I hadn't factored in housing issues, such as big yard, fences, and transporting them from here to wherever. I had signed a sales contract, but was able to cancel it (thank God for the cooling off period required by law), so I stopped that process before it got serious. I was half-way finished with the possessions purge, so continued with that -- and got a very welcomed visit from my daughter, who had come to see first-hand what the hell was going on with mom.
As a final finish to the purge project, I hired a contractor to come in and refinish and then repaint all of my kitchen cabinets. With all the space remaining after getting rid of 20 years' worth of stuff and the kitchen brightening with the off-white finish, I am once again happy with being in my house. I do have a big yard and a separate dog run out back, so I don't have to worry about what my poor dogs would do if all I could find to live in was an apartment in a senior community.
My body has adjusted to the combination of my bi-polar meds and the Aricept, so I'm not longer flying to the moon and back every hour. I also realized that I was donating to every charity that contacted me, and shopping online for neat things I neither wanted nor needed. Mindy did some quiet sleuthing while she was here and realized what was going on, so she had a very frank discussion with me and told me to stop writing checks to charity and stay off online shopping sites. I will admit that I have ordered a few things recently, but I'm keeping track of what I've ordered and how much it costs so I don't get surprised with a $500 bill due at the end of the month.
The final piece to the new me is dealing with the diagnosis and realizing that I am going to have to be proactive as the weeks, months, years pile up to be sure that I'm staying as mentally sharp as is possible for me to be. The doctor suggested playing memory games on the computer, and even though I'm not much of a gamer, I found one called Pyramid that I like. Numbers have always been an issue for me, and this game requires me to quickly add cards to total 13 to advance up the pyramid and clear the board. At first, it was challenging as I couldn't remember what combinations of numbers equaled 13, but slowly but surely it has implanted in my brain and I don't have to think about it with every play. I haven't lost the ability to express myself in writing, which is both a blessing and a positive outlet for excess energy. There are things that I cannot remember, especially if it happened yesterday, or last week, or God forbid last month. Sometimes Yucheng will remind me and then I can call up a memory, but not one replete with details. He's had to show me a dozen times how to get a picture off my phone and onto Facebook, but he's very good with repeating the instructions so I can do the process myself (hopefully; it's still a work in progress). When I can't remember something we said/did last weekend when he was home, he simply tells me about it so I can remember. Yucheng and my dogs keep me active, and being active and involved in life is going to make a big difference in how I proceed through this new phase of my life.
I will be in regular contact with my primary physician, a man I respect to tell me the truth about the positives and the negatives associated with my diagnosis. I'm no longer in total disbelief or despair as time has allowed the reality to set in and become do-able. I'm going on Facebook every day, reading and responding to various posts and writing my own posts if there's anything of note worth putting out there. I continue to go about my own little routine in the house, but I make sure I get out and about once each day, even if it's just to go to the post office to pick up my mail. I'm not making any major changes, but simply challenging myself to be present in each moment. Sometimes, I sit down with my dinner and ask myself what I did today and see how much I can recall. It's going to be the old saw from days gone by: One day at a time, dear Lord, one day at a time. I can do this and I will do this and it's going to be okay.
Monday, June 3, 2019
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
Phishing
I was just phished! I drove up the hill to have lunch with a friend, and when I returned there was a receipt in my inbox for $120 for a heft of coins--whatever that is. Seems that I used my Apple App while I was driving home to order the coins to play pool, which, of course, didn't happen.
I immediately called Apple and was directed to Erika, who was very patient with me as she went through all of the instructions s-l-o-w-l-y and then decided to mirror my phone to speed things up a bit. She (and I) walked through the process as she described the steps, and determined that I had not been charged, but phished. Erika reported it, assured me I don't have to pay the charge, and then backed out of my phone, leaving me with a contact email and a case number if I have to come back to this.
It seems to me that with this phishing process going on all the time, the computer companies could come up with a fix so that phishing no longer is a viable option. The receipt I received looked legit, which is why I immediately called Apple -- and had it been something else that was charged, not an Apple App, I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it, but since I don't use Apple App, I knew it wasn't a charge that I had made.
And, there was the whole driving home from Yucca Valley part that I factored in, but my phisher didn't know … .
I immediately called Apple and was directed to Erika, who was very patient with me as she went through all of the instructions s-l-o-w-l-y and then decided to mirror my phone to speed things up a bit. She (and I) walked through the process as she described the steps, and determined that I had not been charged, but phished. Erika reported it, assured me I don't have to pay the charge, and then backed out of my phone, leaving me with a contact email and a case number if I have to come back to this.
It seems to me that with this phishing process going on all the time, the computer companies could come up with a fix so that phishing no longer is a viable option. The receipt I received looked legit, which is why I immediately called Apple -- and had it been something else that was charged, not an Apple App, I probably wouldn't have thought twice about it, but since I don't use Apple App, I knew it wasn't a charge that I had made.
And, there was the whole driving home from Yucca Valley part that I factored in, but my phisher didn't know … .
Tuesday, April 9, 2019
Possessions
"But experience is less likely to teach us how to bid our dearest possessions adieu. And if it were to? We wouldn't welcome the education. For eventually, we come to hold our dearest possessions more closely than we hold our friends. We carry them from place to place, often at considerable expense and inconvenience; we dust and polish their surfaces and reprimand children for playing too roughly in their vicinity--all the while, allowing memories to invest them with greater and greater importance. …
Until we imagine that these carefully preserved possessions might give us genuine solace in the face of a lost companion.
But, of course, a thing is just a thing."
excerpt from A Gentleman in Moscow, by Amor Towles
Until we imagine that these carefully preserved possessions might give us genuine solace in the face of a lost companion.
But, of course, a thing is just a thing."
excerpt from A Gentleman in Moscow, by Amor Towles
Procrastination
Word of advice: don't put off cleaning up the clutter, especially from the past 40 years or so. The job becomes overwhelming and takes weeks, not days.
Based on my recent experience, I found many, many old papers that simply needed to be either shredded (personal info) or trashed (generic paper). I had kept things not knowing if I would ever need the information, so when it came time to purge the past, I had hours of recordkeeping to go through and make the shred/toss decision. I used my personal shredder for a lot of the old paperwork, but when my daughter came to help me with the cleaning process, she told me I could take a lot of the personal papers to a company and have them do the shredding. It was not expensive and it relieved both of us from hours pushing papers through the shredder. Other papers, mostly from my 35-year career in public education, are being taken to the dump, which breaks my heart. There is so much good material in those boxes, but time changes what's done and how it's done in the classroom, so I'm guessing it wouldn't be of value to anyone today.
I also saved many, many items that simply have no value, like empty tins, jars, and containers. When I was growing up, my mother saved empty jars for canning, but I haven't canned since I lived at home and that's been 50 years ago. I used to bake and fill up the tins with goodies, but living alone negates the need to bake: I just go to the grocery store and buy one package of whatever cookie I'm craving. I also have decades of old photos, bins filled with photos I don't want/don't need. I separated out some of the photos to send to my children, but I'm not sure they are going to want a huge bin filled with old photos to land on their doorstep.
I wasn't aware that I had become a hoarder, but my daughter made an entire shelf section in the garage into my own mini Costco! It's one of those trips that is a bit farther away than the local store, so while I'm there, I may as well pick up another batch of paper towels, or Kleenex, or cleaning supplies. I have enough plastic bags to last me at least a year. I truly wasn't aware that I was constantly buying more of the same item, but once it's on the shelf and I see the magnitude of the over-buying, it makes the point. My daughter put a back-up list in my phone of things I don't need to buy at Costco.
And, I obviously wasn't on top of checking expiration dates on the things in my pantry and 'fridge. My daughter went through everything and tossed out at least half of what I had on the shelves, many of which were well over 5 years' of expiration. I never checked the shelves, but seldom used anything from there either as I don't really cook like I used to when I had someone living at home. Now that I'm aware of expiration dates, I'll do a better job of staying on top of those items that either need to be used or tossed.
It is challenging to think about what lies ahead, when I either need to move out of this home and into a smaller space, or have to have help to stay in my own home. Once I'm gone, there is still far too much stuff that my children will need to handle, and that's not fair to them. My message is to urge all able-bodied elderly persons to start now to declutter and discard. I was lucky to have my daughter come to help me with the process, but once I'm gone, she and her brother will be on their own, and it's a daunting task at best.
Based on my recent experience, I found many, many old papers that simply needed to be either shredded (personal info) or trashed (generic paper). I had kept things not knowing if I would ever need the information, so when it came time to purge the past, I had hours of recordkeeping to go through and make the shred/toss decision. I used my personal shredder for a lot of the old paperwork, but when my daughter came to help me with the cleaning process, she told me I could take a lot of the personal papers to a company and have them do the shredding. It was not expensive and it relieved both of us from hours pushing papers through the shredder. Other papers, mostly from my 35-year career in public education, are being taken to the dump, which breaks my heart. There is so much good material in those boxes, but time changes what's done and how it's done in the classroom, so I'm guessing it wouldn't be of value to anyone today.
I also saved many, many items that simply have no value, like empty tins, jars, and containers. When I was growing up, my mother saved empty jars for canning, but I haven't canned since I lived at home and that's been 50 years ago. I used to bake and fill up the tins with goodies, but living alone negates the need to bake: I just go to the grocery store and buy one package of whatever cookie I'm craving. I also have decades of old photos, bins filled with photos I don't want/don't need. I separated out some of the photos to send to my children, but I'm not sure they are going to want a huge bin filled with old photos to land on their doorstep.
I wasn't aware that I had become a hoarder, but my daughter made an entire shelf section in the garage into my own mini Costco! It's one of those trips that is a bit farther away than the local store, so while I'm there, I may as well pick up another batch of paper towels, or Kleenex, or cleaning supplies. I have enough plastic bags to last me at least a year. I truly wasn't aware that I was constantly buying more of the same item, but once it's on the shelf and I see the magnitude of the over-buying, it makes the point. My daughter put a back-up list in my phone of things I don't need to buy at Costco.
And, I obviously wasn't on top of checking expiration dates on the things in my pantry and 'fridge. My daughter went through everything and tossed out at least half of what I had on the shelves, many of which were well over 5 years' of expiration. I never checked the shelves, but seldom used anything from there either as I don't really cook like I used to when I had someone living at home. Now that I'm aware of expiration dates, I'll do a better job of staying on top of those items that either need to be used or tossed.
It is challenging to think about what lies ahead, when I either need to move out of this home and into a smaller space, or have to have help to stay in my own home. Once I'm gone, there is still far too much stuff that my children will need to handle, and that's not fair to them. My message is to urge all able-bodied elderly persons to start now to declutter and discard. I was lucky to have my daughter come to help me with the process, but once I'm gone, she and her brother will be on their own, and it's a daunting task at best.
Monday, March 18, 2019
Beauty is in The Eye of The Beholder
Today was hair color and cut day, but it didn't go as well as planned. I arrived at the salon at 10:15 for my 10:30 appointment, confirmed with a phone call yesterday, only to find out that my stylist had made a mistake and my appointment was at 11:30. Not a big deal. I was hungry, so I asked her if there was a café nearby, and there was, so I walked over to it and decided that a spinach omelet was just what I wanted. No, no potatoes, no bread, no hot sauce: just a regular spinach omelet. When it was served, it looked okay, but when I took a bite I discovered that there was no cheese, so it was quite dry and chewy. I went back inside (I had been told to sit outside as there was no single seating inside) and asked the waitress if she could put some cheese on the omelet as it seemed to have been omitted. She said yes, but there would be an extra charge. I declined, went back outside, took a few more bites, and decided I'd had enough--and walked back to the salon wishing that Sparkle was with me to eat the rest of the omelet.
When it was finally my turn in the chair, I showed the stylist a picture of a heavily-layered style that I really like and asked if she could cut my hair into that style. She said "Of course," but then warned me that it would take me some time each morning to fix my hair--and I'd have to use product and tools. I told her I was willing to chance it as I really like the style, and she set to work. Color first because NO ONE in the desert of the female variety is allowed to have GREY HAIR! Whatever: it's only money to get the whole enchilada.
After a thorough rinse of the color processing, she began cutting and I asked her what style she had decided to cut. She said she was going to "heavily layer" my hair, cutting into the natural curl, which is what she's done in the past and I really like. She kept snipping and cutting, stepping back to check her progress, then doing some more snipping and cutting. When she finished, I still had hair (which hasn't been the case in my past), but it was cut kinda funny and was quite straight: no natural curl evident. It's a bit longer, which I like, but the top is really short (which I don't like), and I HAVE FRIGGIN' BANGS! No woman of a certain age should have bangs! They aren't flattering and they sure aren't cute, but there I was, staring at short straight hair with bangs.
Well, I have several cuts from Mary that I have loved, so I guess I'll have to give her this one. Tomorrow morning I'll wet it, walk the dogs, and see what nature and the winds do to style it. I already made a follow-up appointment for the Monday before I leave for the East Coast, so I'll wait to see if I want to keep that appointment based on the intervening month of me doing whatever the heck I can do with what I've got to work with.
When it was finally my turn in the chair, I showed the stylist a picture of a heavily-layered style that I really like and asked if she could cut my hair into that style. She said "Of course," but then warned me that it would take me some time each morning to fix my hair--and I'd have to use product and tools. I told her I was willing to chance it as I really like the style, and she set to work. Color first because NO ONE in the desert of the female variety is allowed to have GREY HAIR! Whatever: it's only money to get the whole enchilada.
After a thorough rinse of the color processing, she began cutting and I asked her what style she had decided to cut. She said she was going to "heavily layer" my hair, cutting into the natural curl, which is what she's done in the past and I really like. She kept snipping and cutting, stepping back to check her progress, then doing some more snipping and cutting. When she finished, I still had hair (which hasn't been the case in my past), but it was cut kinda funny and was quite straight: no natural curl evident. It's a bit longer, which I like, but the top is really short (which I don't like), and I HAVE FRIGGIN' BANGS! No woman of a certain age should have bangs! They aren't flattering and they sure aren't cute, but there I was, staring at short straight hair with bangs.
Well, I have several cuts from Mary that I have loved, so I guess I'll have to give her this one. Tomorrow morning I'll wet it, walk the dogs, and see what nature and the winds do to style it. I already made a follow-up appointment for the Monday before I leave for the East Coast, so I'll wait to see if I want to keep that appointment based on the intervening month of me doing whatever the heck I can do with what I've got to work with.
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