Ebb and Flow

I am bi-polar, which used to be called manic-depression syndrome, with which I was diagnosed while in college, and which has caused me some major changes throughout my life. I’ve been back on meds for about 10 years now, which has totally smoothed out my days, so I have few incidents that cause me any concern. I do know that weather changes affect me, especially when a rain storm is coming through the pass and into the valley. My mood sinks like a stone in a pond, and I have to simply let time take the barometric pressure back to what’s normal for the area and my brain.

There are days when I simply do not feel like doing anything, so I don’t, which makes the next day more challenging to do something because it’s so easy not to do anything. Back in the day I was a manic machine, so I did three times the work that anyone else (in their right mind) would even think of doing, so I guess it’s not such a crime to not feel like doing much. Recently, as I’ve been a bit more withdrawn than outgoing, I was walking through WalMart and found a little journal that is also a coloring book. Since I loved to color while a child, I bought one of the journals and some colored pencils. When I arrived back home, I crawled onto the couch and thumbed through the journal and started working on designs at the bottom of pages. The journal I picked has a floral theme, so once I got the hang of coloring again, I tackled the front and back covers, which turned out really well. Then, having finished a lot of the smaller designs on individual pages, I went to the “divider” pages, which are more labor intensive, and colored them.

Since I had worked so long and hard on the cover and the divider pages, I covered them with packing tape to preserve my hard work. And, now that the journal was ready to receive entries, I found a list of “topics” that I could put one to a page to get me started. The first writing prompt was simply “Start Something,” which seemed apropos for what I needed to do. After finishing the first response, I went through the journal and put a topic on each page for half of the pages. Then, when I felt like it, I started picking up my journal and writing one 4”x6” page. It’s enough to say something, but small enough not to have to say too much.

I went back to WalMart and bought 2 more journals, along with some colored pencils at Pic'n Save, and took them to my therapist this week. I asked her to give them to someone who, like me, is going through the ebb and flow we get so used to doing, and who would like to both color and write. She immediately told me she knows just the two patients who will not only enjoy doing the “project,” but will benefit from it.

My work here is finished.