Old Ladies

When I look into the mirror, I see a smiling woman with blue eyes, fair skin, and an upbeat look about me. However, when I go to the gym to work out in front of a different mirror, I see a tired, fat, lumpy old woman. The only way I can think to change this reality is to buy a magic mirror for the gym as I sure as heck don’t want the distorted image in my bathroom, too. I’m not sure when one makes the great leap from older to old, but I know I’m on the path to that destination.

Yesterday, we had the cookie exchange and all of the participants were born in the 1940s. What a treat it was to have shared memories and experiences! I knew it was going to be a good group when all of our names were good, strong woman names that used to be more popular than the “cute” names today’s mothers are giving their children. Apple, North, Tyler (for both boys and girls), Cassidy: maybe they are cute when the kids are young, but what about when they get older? Believe it or not, I heard a comment on TV that eight (8) parents named their child “ABCDE” last year. I have no idea how to pronounce it, much less the significance of the name, but there it is.

We talked about how we all used to sit at the table together for family dinner, no phone calls allowed during dinner (the phone was in the hallway), and had to share about our day. I laughed at Y yesterday when I took him out for a burger and he burrowed his head in his electronic device screen. I told him I was the only other person at the table – and I thought we’d talk about our day, not cut ourselves off from communication. He took the hint and put his phone away.

We talked about dating back then versus today’s speed dating. We used to go out with a man many times before he kissed us good night – and that kiss was special because we waited for it. When we became so involved that sex was becoming part of the relationship, we got engaged because, after all, no woman is going to “put out” without having some assurance that she’s doing that with the right man and not just any ole man who comes along. The idea of having sex with someone you just met was foreign and forbidden. Besides, we all knew “those girls” the guys could call if they needed physical relief, but they also knew the “good girls,” the ones you could date and possibly marry somewhere down the road.

We talked about raising our children to be respectful and obedient whether they wanted to be or not. A smack across the rear end usually was enough to get the child’s attention, but if more was needed, the unruly child was sent to his/her bedroom to think about it because there was nothing else to do in one’s bedroom except sleep. No TVs, no stereos, no computers, no sexy lingerie for the younger girls to video and post on YOUTUBE, no phones for contact with the outside world. Just a plain little room with a bed, dresser, and closet. Boring, and highly effective punishment at that time.

Our talk also turned to husbands and the understanding that all women had for the husband, often based on TV shows, such as Ozzy and Harriet, Desi and Luci and even All in the Family in later years. Men went to work, came home for dinner, and spent the evening with the family. Once the children were in bed, the couple discussed family issues, work issues, and maybe even (once in a while) personal issues. We pretty much knew the man’s position on most topics, but had to be sure that he knew our positions on family topics too. We didn’t disagree in front of the children because we talked about possible issues before they arose and knew what we’d say/do in a certain situation.

I sat back and listened to the other gals talking and saw their faces lighten, their wrinkles soften, their smiles widen as we all took that walk back down memory lane. I felt younger than my years because that’s where we each went in our own minds and experience. My next birthday is going to be a big one, one of those seminal moments in which time stands still and you just have to be present and get through it. I know the number conjures up an image far different than the person I see in the bathroom mirror, but I’m just not ready to accept either … yet.

I’m glad I was able to participate in the party. It was just what I needed yesterday.