Dementia

So, let’s talk about dementia.  I was diagnosed coming up on a year ago based on some cognitive testing my doctor did.  He said, “Let’s be proactive” and put me on Aricept, which is commonly prescribed for dementia patients.  For the first 6 weeks, I didn’t notice any difference, but slowly I began to settle into a routine, a calm routine that sees me staying more at home than out and about.  I worry about little things, like losing myself when I’m driving (I haven’t made any errors yet), so it’s easier to stay home than it is to go somewhere.  I have places that I go regularly, which makes it easier to feel confident about getting where I need to be when I need to be there.


But, there’s a mental void, a blank spot—especially when I try to recall things that have happened or remember appointments that I’ve made.  I have two appointments that are routine for me, and those I’m doing fairly well at navigating.  One is to my therapist, with whom I feel safe and don’t often stumble mentally; the other is my regular Tuesday lunch-and-a-movie with my two girlfriends.  I know most of the restaurants we frequent, as well as the three theaters we attend for our movies, so I don’t have any driving issues with this weekly treat.  When I’m off on my own, however, I worry about losing track of where I am and where I need to be, which adds tension to my driving.  So far, I’m doing really well and I pay special attention to what is going on around me.


Recalling things is trickier.  Yucheng will remind me of something we said/did the weekend before and I have no recollection of it.  We have our routines, which is very comfortable for me, but if we change it up, I can’t remember where we went/what we did. I know the names of people I’ve always known, but if someone introduces themselves, I can’t remember what their name is even if I repeat it a dozen times. And, I found out the hard way, I don’t remember what I did yesterday, so I may redo it today.  I went to the ATM to draw out some first-of-the-month cash, went about my business, then drove back to the ATM to get out my first-of-the-month cash, not remembering that I had already done that.  It was okay because it wasn’t a lot of money, but I was completed dumbfounded when I went to put the second batch of cash into my wallet and found money already there.


One huge problem I’m having is shopping online.  Everything looks so good and I want to get it for so-and-so, so I order it.  And then I go to another site and do the same thing again.  And I go to another site and do it a third time.  Before I know it, I’ve ordered several hundred dollars’ worth of stuff I really shouldn’t have bought—even if it was something to send to my kids.  The garage is full of empty boxes, which should have been my first clue that things were out of hand, but I didn’t connect the empty boxes to empty wallet!!  I’ve been talking with my therapist and she’s holding me accountable every two weeks when I see her, which is helping.  I have a sign on the computer, right in front of my face, that reminds me:  NO ONLINE BUYING!


What I am totally thankful for is that I can still write.  I’ve always been a writer, a reader, a talker, so it’s nice to continue to be able to do these things.  However, when I read, I forget what I read the page before the one I’m now reading, and unless I take notes to keep track of what I’m reading, I can finish a book and have no idea how it started or what happened.  Sometimes I can hold content for a few days, but within a week, it’s gone. When I’m talking, I do the “drop” in the middle of what I started to say and it’s just gone—poof!  No idea what I was saying, so I just stop talking.  But with writing, I can put down what I’m thinking as I’m thinking it, and then go back sentence by sentence if I need to do so to pick up the thread of what I am writing.  The words come to me without having to think about them, and I type fast enough to be able to keep up with my thoughts as they occur.


Part of what I’m experiencing is merely a factor of my age: I’ll be 75 on June 1, so there is going to be some loss of mental acuity.  I do word games, and play a game on the computer that is called Pyramid, which requires me to match playing card numbers and erase the pyramid.  I have to work in 13s, and you have no idea how long it took me to figure out which combos of cards add up to 13!  Of course, I’ve never been a numbers person, so it’s to be expected that area of my brain needs more nurturing than my writing or reading part.  I also have joined FaceBook and really enjoy “conversing” with people on that platform.  I always try to find a powerful, positive thought to leave on others’ pages, something that will “up” their day—and mine as well.  I don’t really know most of the people, but there are quite a few former students in contact with me via FB, and that has been fun.


All in all, I’m doing fine.  I feel good and alert most of the time, but also find myself becoming stressed out in new situations or around new people.  If I know I have to remember, it seems to block my ability to recall information and/or names.  I feel that my minimal memory issues are fairly typical for my age, so I’m not overly concerned yet with the aspects of dementia that may be coming down the road.  I am healthy and I take care of myself, which is important to me on a daily basis.  I walk the dogs, run errands, go out with friends and Yucheng, and generally am feeling good.  I still have a positive attitude about this whole new phase of my life and will continue to keep on keeping on as long as I am able to do so. After that?  Well, I’ll just have to build a bridge and see where that leads me.