Short Fuse + Ignition =

Today, I drove to the post office as I was leaving for my class, put my key into the box, and it would not open. Because I pay annually, I knew there was no rent due, so went to the window, stood in the long line, waited my turn and ...

was told that I had "ignored" a direction to complete a rental application for the box, so the box was locked until I complied. No, I replied, I did not ignore a direction to complete a rental application for the box: I filled one out when I rented the box and have faithfully paid the annual rental fee on time and in full since January 2000.

No, he assured me, we put those applications in every box every year, but we have no record that you ever completed yours and returned it to us.

BLAST OFF!!

Are you kidding me???? He told me that my box would remain locked until I completed the form THAT WAS INSIDE MY BOX AND TO WHICH I HAD NO ACCESS. If I failed to comply within 10 days' of notification, my rental agreement for the post office box would be terminated and my box would be rented to another patron.

Second stage rocket thruster in full GO mode.

I could not just fill in the form at the counter, get my mailbox unlocked, and move on. Nothing is ever that easy! In order to "prove" that I am a US citizen, as well as a bonafide local resident, I must provide a driver's license, current passport, and one other proof of my residence address, such as a mortgage or lease agreement.

By now, I'm in total orbit and know that if I say anything, it'll be ugly. I took the application home with me, completed it, then drove back to the post office with my current driver's license, my current passport, a copy of my monthly mortgage statement, and my receipt for the rental of the post office box paid in full through December 31, 2011.

I asked to speak to the postmaster and was shown into his office. I sat, presented him with the completed application, as well as the required identification, and then told him that (1) there was NO WAY for me to comply with a request which I had never received and which was securely locked into my mailbox to which I had no access; and (2) my rent is fully paid on the box until December 31, 2011, so there is NO WAY anyone at the post office can void that agreement and reassign my box to another patron.

When he assured me that an application HAD been put into my box and I had failed to complete it, I was so pissed I could hardly hold back the urge to smack his smug face. "Nope, not true," I told him. "I renewed the rent on the box I have held since January 2000 last December, a renewal that DID NOT require anything except my check. Had there been a request to update my application attached to the reminder notice to pay the box rent, I would have completed it and returned it as requested," then handed him my receipt for payment/renewal.

Well, he explained, there are lots of new regulations SINCE 9/11 -- at which time I stopped him to clarify THE 9/11????? We're on the 10th anniversary of that event -- and at no time during the PAST DECADE have I been requested to submit an updated application for the box I've held for all of that time!!

When he assured me that "lots of patrons" ignore the application that is put into their boxes, I assured him that I would NOT ignore it had I received it, but my main concern is ... WHY DID YOU LOCK MY MAILBOX after you put the form into it?? How the hell was I expected to complete the form if I could not access the form????

At that point in time, I'm so ready to go ballistic that I simply said, "Are we done here?? I've returned the form with 3 different forms of local identification and expect my box to be unlocked forthwith."

Locking the box is offensive, especially when the rent is fully paid and the notification of a required application update is INSIDE THE LOCKED BOX, but putting the blame for your employees' failure to do their jobs onto my shoulders really pisses me off.

And, if I were a minority, instead of a big blonde Viking woman, I would go to the media and make such a stink about the "proof of residency" requirement being first, a driver's license or state id, followed by a passport.

What ya gonna do with the illegals who are renting boxes?? Deport them?? Yeah, I didn't think so, but you have to hassel everyone to find those who are not complying, right?