Commitment

My personality is so much more comfortable with males than with females that it surprised me when sudden tears flooded my eyes as my son exchanged marriage vows with his fiancée yesterday. They stood together, eyes locked, and spoke in loud, clear voices: these are not children wondering if they are doing the right thing, they are adults who know that what they have together is rare and precious, and to be treasured.

He met her on-line, a chance encounter that blossomed into a relationship, that deepened into love and a proposal. They are both in their 30’s and marrying for the only time! I object to the “first” marriage syndrome, which subtly implies that there will be other marriages in the future, that somehow the ‘first’ marriage is just practice.

When my son met his future bride face-to-face for the first time, he was amazed that she was exactly what he had always dreamed his wife would be—and more. He knew that he shared a special relationship with her, but they had geographical problems that could interfere with a serious relationship: west coast for one, east coast for another. While old timers think that absence makes the heart grow fonder, for today’s life style it just adds a layer of complication most couples cannot surmount.

My son pledged his troth when he proposed and she accepted: from that day, he was married in his heart, so anything else became a mere formality. He has valiantly tried to arrange to join his bride, willingly giving up his job and his (very expensive) apartment, as well as his SoCal roots, to join her, but red tape ties his hands with every turn he takes. There are personal issues that are stumbling blocks in their path, but they have been taking them on, one at a time, and are finally making headway toward their goal to live happily ever after—together.

Yesterday, they took a step that took a lot of courage for the bride, who is deeply committed to her faith and had to come to grips with a civil ceremony to achieve the goal of a church wedding down the road. She returns home this week a married woman, but her husband stays behind—again. He will visit her in March, but return to his lonely apartment until the issues that keep them apart can be resolved.

It will be a happy day for all of us when he finally can pack up his SoCal life, relocate, and begin their marriage in earnest, a day we all pray will come soon.