The Baby Bulge

An oxymoron is a statement that appears to be contradictory, but makes new meaning by juxtaposing two opposing ideas to form a new one, such as “sweet and sour” pork. How can a food be both sweet and sour at the same time? The two flavors combine to create a new flavor that has aspects of both individual flavors … and is quite delicious.

The public has been treated to some colorful oxymorons lately, including the “youthful Rod Stewart,” firmly entrenched in his 60s, marrying his decades-younger girlfriend, by whom he has already fathered a child. Rod is NOT “youthful;” however, marrying a woman almost half his age does, apparently, youthen him (to borrow Merlin’s terminology) in media-speak.

My favorite oxymoron, however, comes from a fashion feature on morning TV, where pregnant women are urged to find a “flattering swimsuit style” that enhances their baby bump, the new terminology for “pregnancy.” It’s so cute to be a media star and demonstrate the growth of the fetus in the womb in weekly references to the baby bump, but not so cute to talk about one’s advancing pregnancy?

Bright colors and bold patterns draw attention to the bulging baby body, which seems to be the goal of the “flattering swimsuit style:” if I am pregnant, the whole world is going to be pregnant with me! If I have to look at this swollen, distended body of mine, then the whole world is going to have to look at it, too! If I’m grossed out when my navel pops like a turkey timer at Thanksgiving, I’m going to share it with the entire world! If my breasts are too big to fit into the lingerie I wore before pregnancy changed my body, I’m not going to purchase new garments to contain them because I won’t be pregnant forever! So what if my breasts and abdomen are engorged and blue veins tattoo them in wide streaks? It’s my body, and I’ll do what I want with it.

Including foisting it onto the public who may not want to see either the bulging baby belly or the bulging baby breasts.

Perhaps up to about 5 months there is a bump, but after that point in a pregnancy, it is anything but a bump—and not something I want to see displayed in a public arena. If I’m at a public beach, I don’t want to smell anyone’s cigarette smoke or see a bulging baby belly defined by a bikini top and bottom. The tiny bikini apparel is not a “flattering swimsuit style” for any woman past her 5th month, so why does anyone believe that it is? Models, who are already stick thin, may be able to wear a small bathing suit with a bulging belly, especially if a make-up artist evens the skin tone and masks the blue veins and stretch marks during the photo shoot, but the majority of pregnant women are not stick thin models who can wear anything and look okay, especially in a public arena, such as a shopping mall, a restaurant, or a public pool or beach.

What about my right not to have this display of pregnancy infringe on my life? What if I cannot stand the appearance of a swollen pregnant abdomen? What if I am offended by the grossness of swollen women’s breasts swathed in deep blue veins hanging out of lingerie that is too small to accommodate the newly-enlarged baby breasts? What if I don’t want to accept that pregnancy is beautiful and a pregnant woman has the right to display her body parts in public? What if I don’t want to be exposed while I am eating a meal in a restaurant, shopping at the mall, or lounging by a swimming pool to bellies and breasts criss-crossed with blue veins and silvery stretch marks that are part of the natural process of pregnancy?

A lacey top or a t-shirt can become a cool and comfortable cover-up and provide the unwilling public with whom the mother-to-be is sharing her pregnancy just a bit of privacy about how much stretching there is across the abdomen to accommodate the coming blessed event. A dress, blouse or top that covers the décolleté can contain the baby breasts in a manner that keeps them out of the face of diners, shoppers, and sunbathers no matter how big they get.

However, the goal of today's maternity fashions seems to be to expose as much of the pregnancy to public ogling as possible, rather than to prevent the public from viewing the pregnant woman's private parts. It's a trend that needs to be curtailed for an appropriate time and place, rather than becoming part of the public landscape.

It’s a matter of thinking beyond the me and considering the us, the public that may not share your joy at seeing your belly and breasts swelling to accommodate the coming birth of your child. In the privacy of your own home, in the company of close family and friends who are excited about your big event, wear whatever you want and show off whatever you want to show off. But when you are in the public arena, cover yourself.

Don’t assume that the whole world is thrilled for you and wants to see how your body looks when it is ready to deliver your child. We're not, and we don't.