No Shades of Grey

Satellite radio came with the RAV, so I accepted the free trial period, then extended my subscription with an offer that kept the cost reasonable. It's challenging to program stations and/or find stations on the dial, especially while driving, but one channel accepted the programming set, so I access it while I'm driving to and fro. Dr. Laura is acerbic; she listens, interrupts, asks questions, then offers pronouncements. Often, her advice sounds harsh, but I've come to realize that she does not believe in shades of grey: life is black or white, so if we accept that reality and live with it, things just seem simpler and life goes on.

Caller: What can I do when ...?
Dr. Laura: Nothing. It's out of your control.
Caller: But, I have to do something because ...
Dr. Laura: There is nothing you can do because it's not your decision. It's out of your control, so move on.

I fret; I try to figure out how to change what is to be what I want/need it to be. I drive not just myself, but the people who know me, crazy because I want to fix it -- whatever it is. I self-examine endlessly, reliving what I did/what I did not do, what I said/what I did not say/what I couldawouldashoulda said, working to find another end result. Meanwhile, the other party has moved on, refusing to accept any responsibility for his/her part in the problem. S/he found a solution: whatever. If it bothers me, but s/he has already let it go, why do I nail one foot to the floor and think I'm making progress when I continually go around and around in the same circle?

Remove the nail, lift my foot, and walk away. That's what my antagonist did, sometimes many years before today, but I've stayed ... here.

Dr. Laura says it over and over again, and every time I listen to her show, I think of a way I could fix it. Finally, after 6 months of listening, of being a passive participant in the process, I'm getting it: life is so far past where I am stuck that I'm left behind. Get over it. Move on. Surely I have other things to do, other people to meet, new places to visit. The clock is ticking and I'm wasting valuable personal energy on ... what? With my personal resources, I could change the world if I put my mind to it, but my mind is controlled by the issues in Greyland. Let go of them and step into the light.

Another one of my faults is that I'm much better at giving advice than I am at taking it. Working on it.