In Loco Parentis

Last night’s episode of The Glee Project demonstrates what’s wrong with our thinking, as well as what’s right. WE keep singling out those who are different and demand that they celebrate their uniqueness, often forgetting that WE are more comfortable not putting our vulnerabilities on display than WE are coming out of our own personal closets. This year’s The Glee Project created an unusual cast to compete for the one coveted spot on next season’s Glee, a selection that is supposed to represent a typical high school, but this year seems atypical. As Lindsey Parker writes in her blog Reality Rocks, “… the contestants (among them a plus-sized girl, a blind man, a conflicted Muslim, a transgender, a girl in a wheelchair, and an autistic boy) tapped into their real-life struggles while filming their raw performances.”

Water seeks its own level; when we try to capture it artificially, Mother Nature often corrects our mistake and allows the water to go where it needs to be. The seawall in Japan, which was meant to hold the water back and keep the cities safe, created a much more massive disaster than would have occurred had the water been free to crest and recede. The same is true with people: we are often more comfortable just being who we are, rather than being molded into someone we are not. Are there bullies at high school? Certainly, and often we know why that is true when the bully’s parent(s) show up to question why their kid is being singled out for punishment after an on-campus event occurs. They don’t ask questions; they throw accusations and make demands that are often back up with the phrase “our lawyer.” We quickly realize that the child learned the parental bullying lessons well and is simply living the life s/he knows.

The children who are picked on do not deserve that treatment, but we used to let them fight it out and settle it themselves, not a pretty way to handle things, but often an effective way. Then, we parents butted in and started protecting our children from reality, wherein the one who either cannot or will not fight to protect him/herself is shunned by the ones who do stand up for themselves. When bullies know that they are going down, they often pick on someone their own size; however, when bullies know that no one has the guts to take them out, they are free to act with impunity. It begins in the home, works its way into preschool, and then completes the process throughout the educational system: bullies get better because no one stops them, most especially the system that should. We don’t demand that kids be held accountable for their actions because we’re afraid of the consequences! They aren’t.

The Glee Project took the disparate group of wannabes and gave them a song to perform with the message that It Hurts (But Just Hang On), which they performed well; however, in the process of making the point, the action portrays that anyone and everyone who is perceived as different is a target of violence, which is not always true. When we portray everyone as a victim, then no one is victimized as it’s just what it is – and that’s wrong. Only one of these kids turns on their attackers, the very last one, who pushes back and the bullies back off, too. Sort of. It’s a gratuitous display at best, but at least the point is partially made: stand up for who you are and what you believe.

We adults are too afraid to stand up to our kids, to hold them accountable for their actions, rather than make excuses for what they say and do. Today’s instant media promotes bullying, but we don’t take the phones away, citing a litany of superficial reasons why kids have to have phones 24/7/365. Sure, tragedies happen at schools, but more tragedies are caused by kids with phones than prevented, especially kids behind the wheels of cars who are talking, texting, and watching their viral videos! Kids at school have too much time to take inappropriate photos and videos of one another and post them online, damaging messages that may not have any basis in fact. A nasty tweet does more damage in an instant that any handwritten note passed from one student to another during a class. Going viral seems to be the point, not just the process. The more egregious the claim, the more public the acclaim for the perpetrator. The victim is simply the inciting incident, not really the target, in the twisted logic of today’s teen.

Today’s media makes it okay to do just about anything to anyone without consequences: think TMZ, Access Hollywood, Extra, Entertainment Tonight, The Insider and all the other media outlets that trash talk with impunity. In point of fact, it’s the consequences that keep the actions in check; without consequences, I can do whatever I want, say whatever I want, and ruin anyone’s life just because I can. This is heady power, whether it’s the media or a school child who wields it. The Glee Project touched on the issue, but didn’t push it – and it’s time we all pushed it, rather than standing back and hoping that a song on an episode of a TV program will do the job for us.