... And that has made all the difference.

The milestones in one’s life space out as the children age, so the first day of school is followed by high school graduation, college graduation, the first apartment, the career changes, and, sometimes, the birth of grandchildren. The 40th birthday of the first-born comes as somewhat of a shock, but, overall, these changes are a natural, progressive part of life, something we share as we move through life on slightly divergent paths. However, sending one’s only son to a foreign country to live the rest of his life is one of the most difficult life events I’ve faced, and I’m not sure why because it’s right for him at this time in his life. His wife completes him, smoothes his rough edges, and encourages him in ways he needs to be encouraged. They are a good, solid couple – and being a couple means living together, not maintaining an extremely long-distance relationship, such as the one that has been their life for the past 3 years.

My children were upset when I left home and moved to a state where I knew no one to accept a job that was going to be one way, but turned out another. There was a shared sigh of relief when Mom came to her senses, returned home, and resumed her career in education. It’s okay for the children to come and go, but the parents’ job is to stay put, change nothing, and wait for the prodigals to come home to grilled steaks and chilled salads.

Finding himself is not my son’s new life: he relocated to Canada to live with his wife. His immigration status is permanent resident, but he’ll retain his US citizenship. Not only do I approve of the marriage, but I also whole-heartedly support it as his wife is a loving, delightful woman who makes a wonderful daughter-in-law, as well as wife. Because she has a career, a home, family and friends, and has lived her life in one geographical location, my son suggested that he, an apartment dweller, relocate and find a job in Canada. They agreed that path could be best for their future together, and then it was a matter of applying for and receiving the approvals necessary for him to achieve that goal. Fortunately, at the same time his job was eliminated by a company buy-out, his approval to relocate to Canada came through. Then it was a matter of doing whatever it took to walk out of SoCal and into Canada, a task accomplished between May 1 and June 17, 2008.

Talking about it logically, planning the logistics, and executing the plan are different skill sets than saying good-bye to my son and then flying to my home 3500 miles away! There is an emotional heaviness, regardless of how much I logically approve of the plan, because he is my son. I’ll miss him because he’s not a hundred miles down the freeway, a quick trip by SoCal standards. No more b’fast at Denny’s, lunch at Olive Garden, ice cream at Baskin Robbins, movie reviews that prove the professionals are idiots, or Lakers games via cell phone.

Life has moved on, and, as Robert Frost said so eloquently, “… knowing how way leads on to way,” our paths will cross less frequently in the future. We’ll plan our time together and make it happen, regardless of the price of gas or an airline ticket, but the journey is not going to be the same without my son here to share it.