Ahh, Come On!

A parade of full-figured women proudly announce that they aren't happy until their "girls" are happy. Patting themselves securely once they are strapped into a new bra designed to do just that, big smiles light their faces so everyone knows that the "girls" are happy, happy, happy.

Men talk about their "boys" when referring to their private parts, and, lately, there are jokes about men's stimulus packages being all ready to sign, seal and deliver.

I don't want to have this conversation via the TV. I don't want to know how actors feel about their "boys" or realize that a major screen star has to make her "girls" happy before appearing in public. I also don't want comedians to refer to a woman's private parts as the "nasty place," whether it's a female or a male comedian making the remark. Nor do I want to know about erections that last until you are both ready!

As a matter of fact, there are simply some topics that I'd rather not discuss in a public venue, and certainly not while I'm sipping my 9 am coffee and watching Regis and Kelly. Sure, it's probably cute and clever and all those other "today" words that show how totally open we are about everything in our lives, but ... I'd rather not.

The problem is that I no longer have a choice. If I want to watch a comedian perform, chances are good that the topic of the comedy will be blatantly sexual. If I want to listen to a talk show, the topic will either be sexual function or sexual dysfunction. If I want to watch a variety show, there will be one segment involving sex. And when we cut to the commercial, it's almost certain that there will be commercials for sex products, performance enhancers, and personal hygiene products that are pretty darned graphic.

I don't need to see the happy parents of three great kids wave their tube of feel good sex enhancer as they strip off their clothes and grab a quickie! If it's after 10 at night, okay, but these commercials are all day every day, and twice as often during prime time. Sure, I can always turn the TV off, but why do I have to miss a favorite show because I don't want to be offended by part of it and/or the commercials?

I remember attending a weekend university extension class during which the Spike Lee film about pizzas and the neighborhood was shown. The language was filthy; if the "f" word had been removed from the dialog, none of the characters would have said more than a dozen words total. I was offended, so I stood up and walked out. The professor came after me and wanted to know what I was doing, so I told him I was offended by the film and would not watch it. He assured me that I would not receive credit for the course if I didn't view the film, which was integral to the course content. I asked him to explain exactly how this particular film made the course content relevant to my life, and he spewed something about the setting being in a black neighborhood and reflecting "real life."

I assured him that in my "real life," I would also walk away from this kind of offensive language, to which he, of course, commented about my lack of tolerance.

I suggested he could practice the tolerance he preaches by understanding that there was no way I was going to view the film, so either allow me to complete the course sans this offensive piece of film or provide me with an alternative assignment. Not going to happen was the response, so I contacted the office, submitted a complaint about the content and language of the film and the lack of an alternative educational option for those of us who were offended by the content of the course.

I received a full refund for the course and took something else in its stead.

The bottom line for me is why do I have to accept that which I find unacceptable? There is no ratings guideline for commercials, so they are becoming racier and more explicit with each new offering. I can use the ratings guide to avoid shows that have questionable content, but I don't always get off the couch and raid the 'fridge, so I see the commercials whether I want to or not.

I was taught the concept of raising the bar, not lowering it. I was taught that our private parts are ... private ... and we don't discuss them in public. Maybe I am uptight, straight-laced, and prudish, but you'll have to explain to me again why that's a bad thing. From where I stand, it might be a better idea to return to saving some topics for the private sector of one's life.