Gratulerer med dagen

This is the significant birthday, not just a milestone, but a potential tombstone staring me in the face. I've been trying to acclimate myself to the "senior citizen" societal designation that is so much a part of my daily life, but that's hard to do as the person inside this aging body is much younger than the sum of its failing parts! Believe me, it's a shock to glance into a mirror and see that old lady looking back at me.

Yeah, I had an ah-ha moment when I somehow turned on the laptop camera without knowing either that I had done so -- or how to replicate that accomplishment. I was working on another assignment when the screen winked at me and then there was an old woman where the document I was reading had been. She looked confused and somehow familiar, but it took me a bit before I realized it was I staring back at me. I shut down the computer (I didn't have any idea how to turn off the camera), brewed a cuppa, then had the reality check: oh, my God, I'm ... old.

Ha-ha-ha! 40 is the new 30; 50 is the new 40; and 60 is still old, old, old! Do we look better at 60 than previous generations? Sure, for the most part. Are we more active, more engaged in life, more healthy than previous generations? Sure, for the most part. But 60 is still 60, and it's a reality check, whereas signing up for MediCare is the tombstone.

Because it's my birthday, I thought about having a party. The last really great birthday event I hosted was held at a school where I worked and I called it the Nifty 50 event. I was happy as a clam to bake lots of goodies, to help students make costumes, to find some music from the 50s, and celebrate with people I cared about. However, the after shocks always have to be accepted, including those people who said it would be fine before the event, but waited until after it to slam me face first into the wall for using their valuable classroom time with students for my "selfish" celebration. I NEVER did anything at that site, and I did a lot for the students, without FIRST asking for permission, but passive aggressive people want to set positive people up for public thrashing -- and I kept walking into it. Made me a bit gunshy, and I really haven't wanted to put myself out there since that birthday.

As I began making the list of things to do both inside and outside to prepare for a party at my home, I lost my enthusiasm because I haven't been out in the yard for a couple of months and it needs tending. Then, there are people to invite, which used to be governed by the "the more the merrier" rule of thumb, but not so much now. Of course, that thought was then tempered by the question who would want to come to MY birthday party? Then I realized that most people drink alcohol, which I don't, so would I want to provide booze and deal with drunk people? Then I thought about a menu that would appeal to me (remember: MY party), but would accommodate the vegetarians, the grillers, the diabetics, and the picky eaters. So, I turned my idea toward coffee, tea and desserts in a drop-in, until I realized that I'd have to lock the dogs out of the house for the duration, and still deal with both the hangers-on and the no-shows. And, I factored in the cost of any kind of event and realized that there are other places I can spend money that will do more for more people than a party at MY house to celebrate MY big birthday!

Exhausted, I gave up on the party idea as too much effort for marginal results.

Here's the current plan: I'm going to buy a leg o'lamb (my favorite) and make MY entire favorite dinner for me, myself and I. I'm also going to bake a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chopped nuts on top. I'm buying myself a small movie camera because I want to capture my dogs playing together, and that's the entire plan. I'm going to eat what I want, freeze what's left, take some movies of the dogs, and move on.