The Means Justify the End?

There's a new trend in funeral notices: families request that, in lieu of flowers, "donations to be sent directly to the family." What a concept! A spouse, a sibling, a child, a somewhat related family member dies and the survivors see a business opportunity. Talk about putting a new face on tradition, the ME-ME-ME generation develops yet another way to generate revenue.

The concept could be expanded to include beloved pets. I will be distraught when my dog(s) die, so why shouldn't someone pay for my grief? Perhaps it would help me through the grieving process if I ... went to Las Vegas for an extended weekend ... or ... booked a cruise ... or ... spent a relaxing day at a local luxury spa. I sure don't have the money to pay for any of those extravagances, but maybe I could afford a little something extra during my time of need if strangers pony up some cash.

When my mother died, I had already paid in full the cost of her cremation. I believe in planning ahead so I don't get caught short on cash when it's important that I have it. When a local former gang member was killed on the streets by some upcoming bangers making their bones, people stood on corners to collect cash for the family, as well as to pay for the funeral services that included a very expensive, all-white casket bedecked with lush floral tributes, and a parade of limos to transport the grieving mourners to the cemetery and back home. Now, I agree that death is devastating and we all have to deal with the finality and the shock of losing a loved one, but if I cannot afford to pay for the funeral expenses, the funeral is too expensive. It offends me that ANYONE actually believes that it is someone else's responsibility to pick up the tab for a death in my area of responsibility.

I don't send flowers, and I sure as heck don't send cash to the family, but I always make a donation to a charity when someone I know dies. My charitable donations are part of my annual budget, too, to assure that legitimate organizations receive money to carry on important work. Hospice is one of the most important services to any family dealing with a terminally ill individual, so that organization always gets my first check, followed by the American Cancer Society, the RA Foundation, and an organization that supports diabetes research. The only organization that I refuse to support is the American Red Cross, which is a cash cow for the Red Cross and its employees, but a rip-off for anyone who ever needs their services -- and later receives a bill for what the public is led to believe is free.

We used to honor the family's wishes about funeral tributes, but, in this case, there is no honor in asking strangers to send money.