CATastrophe!

Mia hates cats, especially when they dare to enter her yard. This week, we've been surrounded by a herd of feral cats who have decided that mi casa es su casa. If the front room windows survive the stand-off, I'll be surprised. This photo shows only the half of the herd that was napping in the shade. Another cat was on the wall, while two others were underneath the shrubbery by the front window, daring the dogs to come on down. Evidently one of the cats is in heat, and the screaming sounded like a woman being raped all night long.

The number for Animal Control is no longer a working number (cutbacks), so I was referred to the local animal shelter. The woman with whom I spoke was very nice as she explained that it's my responsibility to "do something" as the Animal Control officer does not handle feral cats because they can be really hard to catch and very aggressive.

"Yeah," I responded, "I know. But the thing is, a herd of 7 of these cats, each one larger than my little Jack Russell terrier, has taken over my front yard. My dogs, who are either inside the house, trying to get out to kill the cats, or in the yard and still trying to get out to kill the cats, are going crazy. My neighbor called to ask me to please stop my dogs' barking last night, but that is not an option as long as the cats are here, especially when one of them is in heat and letting the whole neighborhood know that she's open for business."

"Well," she said again, "we don't deal with cats, but what you can do is ... rent a cat trap (which we have for this purpose) and trap the cats one at a time. Once the cat is in the trap, we'll send someone out to pick it up and euthanize it. We really can't have feral cats in our kennels as they are too aggressive and dangerous, so we have to put them down."

"Yeah," I again responded, "I know they are both aggressive and dangerous because they don't even flinch when the dogs challenge them or I walk outside my front door. However, I have 7 feral cats who have taken up residence in my front yard and I need them to be removed. And, to be blunt, I'm not going to be the one to do that task because, as you've already said, the cats are overly aggressive and dangerous and I don't want to put myself into that situation."

"Oh," she said. "Dear, you really don't have any other choice because we don't have anyone who can do that for you."

I'm thinking a .22 is a whole lot cheaper than the routine she described, and if the cats are going to be euthanized anyway, why not take out the middle man? I also am considering other dire means of dealing with this issue as I have a feeling the cats aren't going to go away by themselves. But the bottom line is that unless I'm willing to pay to rent the traps, catch the cats, then call for removal, I'm going to have cats living wherever they want to live for however long they want to live there.

This totally sucks.