Moving On

For the past week, I’ve been so totally pissed off that I have been ranting and raving much more than is usual for me. The reason: another call to reschedule yet another medical appointment. It’s taken me a week to figure out why that pisses me off so fast and so thoroughly, but I have realized it's a lack of respect for me as a patient. I am as important as any other patient – so why do I get the call to reschedule? When I make an appointment with a doctor for several weeks in the future, I expect that if the doctor with whom I am scheduled cannot take the appointment, a colleague should see me during the scheduled appointment. A medical issue resulting from a serious fall needs to be addressed appropriately and in a timely manner, not put on hold because the doctor's plans change.

My back issues have gone untreated since the trip to the ER last December 17, although I have talked to 3 separate doctors, as well as office staff, and filled in pages and pages of medical background in my feeble attempt to be heard. The ER doctor assured me the correct diagnosis was “stirred up arthritis,” based on the x-rays done at the time. My own well-known knee surgeon responded with a smile when both my daughter and I stressed prior to the knee surgery that there was something seriously wrong with my back. My doctor continued to focus on the knee during the follow-up appointment to remove the stitches and again after completion of physical therapy, although I told him that I was now almost 2 months past the injury and still trying to cope with the on-going loss of physical function.

He finally agreed to refer me to a back specialist whom he highly recommended, a process that took another week to complete. An appointment was made with the recommended specialist, but a week later came the call that “my” doctor would not be available to keep the appointment and I had to reschedule. In the interest of being seen sooner than later, I rescheduled the appointment with another doctor in the practice, but when I arrived as directed for the appointment with my 18-page medical history and the x-rays from the ER visit, he told me that he could not ascertain an injury based on the ER x-rays. He did, however, suggest that I could benefit from exercise activities performed in a swimming pool. The stunned look on my face must have been his clue to then decide that, perhaps, it could benefit both of us to take another look; hence, the appointments for a CT scan and 2 separate MRIs, the results of which are several pages in length and detail numerous actual physical injuries/ issues.

And here I sit, again waiting for the medical services for which I pay each and every month. My follow-up appointment with the substitute doctor had to be rescheduled because he takes an annual family vacation at this time of the year, but I guess no one recalled that when they scheduled the appointment? Then, last week, with the appointment scheduled for today, the call came again: the doctor is not available this week, so my appointment is again being rescheduled. I made it clear that this is not an acceptable way to conduct one’s business and asked to be scheduled with the doctor to whom I was originally referred. Of course, that is not an option. Before I said anything I could regret, I ended the call.

I called my knee doctor and asked for another referral to another doctor. My injury may not be significant to them, but it has greatly impacted my life and I want to know how to move past this place that I have been since Thanksgiving 2009. The nurse with whom I spoke last Thursday acknowledged my request and assured me that the doctor would respond by Monday at the latest.

It’s Wednesday; I’m still waiting.

I’m sure my back has healed because the body heals itself, but the point is the disrespect shown to me as a patient who, in good faith, put my medical well-being into the doctors’ hands. I should not have to sit and wait 4 months for my body to heal itself, especially when I proactively made a 75-mile round-trip to the ER at the time of my fall and then persisted to question the casual assumption that it’s my arthritis; nothing more, nothing less. I’ve already done this with the knee injury that took 4 months and 4 individual trips to 4 different doctors, complete with a set of bone x-rays that showed no injury, but was finally recognized in an MRI report. Ironically, the knee surgeon assumed it was “nothing more than a torn meniscus,” and performed surgery based upon that assumption, rather than actually reading the MRI report I brought with me to the appointment. The torn ACL and the fractured kneecap detailed in the MRI report did heal without medical assistance, but there is not one minute of one day that I’m not in pain in my knee, and, since the December fall, also my back.

Family and friends often chide me for refusing to go to the doctor when I have medical issues, but there is a lifetime of reasons why I make that my last option, rather than my first choice. I do want to be told there is nothing wrong, nothing to worry about – if that is the actual case, but my experience is being blown off with the “nothing wrong” diagnosis when there is something seriously wrong. I depend on the medical professionals to diagnose the medical issue and then offer a treatment plan, but it seems as if I can do as well by consulting mayoclinic.com and installing a heated pool in my backyard!
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Okay. I'm finished. I cannot stay in this place physically or mentally. I probably will not go back to a doctor because the stress of my expectations that someone will actually do something to change what is exacerbates my anxiety and causes chest pains. I've been eating chocolate like it's the only food group available to me, while trying to cope with a situation that is obviously out of my control. If I cannot change it, I have to accept it, and if I have to accept it, I must do so or suffer from the consequences of trying to change what I simply cannot change. My asthma has flared, as well as my diabetes, and it's not worth the personal price I'm paying to want someone to hear me and help me. As I've always believed, "if it is to be, it is up to me."

Moving on.