People I don’t want to be this week:

The lady with the live spider hiding out in her ear canal.

The little girl who wanted to dive like an Olympian and went ass over tea kettle into the pool instead -- and her dad caught it all on tape for a lifetime of mortifying reliving.

The little boy who rescued a toddler in danger of drowning in a lake, only to die from a brain-eating amoeba that inhabits the lake where they were playing. The obvious question is why the lake has not been posted as off-limits to all human beings with a brain.

The naked guy treading water, fending off hammerhead sharks, and trying to figure out how to cover the family jewels while the overhead news copter filmed his rescue.

The driver of an over-loaded van that flipped/rolled several times on the nearby interstate after a tire blew. The driver and the shotgun passenger, both of whom were buckled into their seatbelts, were not injured seriously; however, the remaining six included one fatality and numerous very critically injured victims of the horrendous accident.

The younger man who was yahooing across the desert in the open bed of an ORV that flipped, throwing him out minus one of his feet.

Randy Travis: drunk, naked, arrested, and about as low as a man can go. Let the good alchohol-fueled times roll!

Any Olympian athlete who is sent home for partying way too much and/or using drugs. With what it takes to get there, who would risk losing their chance to medal?

Lindsay Lohan, who doesn’t realize that there is a finite number of “one more chance” opportunities before people simply don’t give a damn anymore.

Fareed Zakaria, the journalist and media analyst who ignored the advice always to cite his sources. Always because yes, it is still plagiarism if you subtly change some of the words in the sentence from which you copy the bulk of the information you claim is your own.

Bruce Jenner, former Olympic decathalon champion, admitting that “the K girls” don’t give him one red cent of their multiple millions, confirming what we already believed and he seems not to know: he’s so totally pussy-whipped!

Any Chinese athlete who has trained for a lifetime to serve his/her country – and fails miserably during an Olympic performance, especially a performance that involves twirling a ribbon.

Best Mom of the Week: the dog in Chile who rescued her 10 pups from a burning building. Two of the 10-day old puppies died, but the other 8 appear to be doing just fine. If people could be more like dogs, the world would be a kinder, gentler, better place for both the dogs and mankind.