The actor and author whose book I edited, Cliff Osmond, passed away on December 22, 2012. He had been ill for several years and fought a good battle with overwhelming odds against him. There will be a small family service this week, followed by a public event later in the month.
Although you may not recognize his name, you'll know his face and his body of work (cliffosmond.com). Although I talked with him often, I met him in person only once, sharing a nice dinner with Cliff and his wife, Gretchen. Cliff's smile was genuine and his charisma instant. He liked my "spunk," and laughed when he told me he "stole" my words to use on his blog. We had been talking about teaching, as Cliff's career as an actor, director, screenwriter, and acting coach provided him with a generous background for sharing his knowledge with others. I remarked that the difference between our careers as educators is that "teachers are actors with a captive audience." He roared with laughter and said he'd use that, and he did.
Hollywood also sent some of Cliff's contemporaries to heaven in the past several days, including Larry Hagman and Jack Klugman, so I'm sure "the boys" are telling some whoppers about "back in the day."
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Superlatives
There are times when attending a performance leaves a profound impression on one’s soul, and such is the case with Les Miserables. Yes, it’s an operatic musical, and everyone sings their lines, but this is one of the most raw, the most natural and perfect “opera” I’ve attended. I saw Les Mis on stage many years ago and it left me wanting something I could not name. Now I know what that lack is: the musical performance is too large for a stage. Shakespeare said that "all the world's a stage," and this musical needs the world's stage, the big silver screen, to reach the pinnacle of performance.
It doesn’t matter if actors cannot sing perfectly as much as if they can act believably, and this performance is believable. Hugh Jackman sings one of my favorite songs (Let Him Live) in a key a bit too high for his singing talent, but it’s okay because it’s so raw, so gritty, so believable. None of us perform perfectly during life’s real moments, so it’s okay if the actor singing his role isn’t exactly right on perfect. Russell Crowe captures the essence of the stoic military bearing of Chabert, even in his most passionately emotional scenes, not because he’s a talented singer, but because he knows how to perform the role in which he’s cast. Anne Hathaway’s voice is one of the better in this film, but her acting is what makes her voice cut deeply into the heart of the viewer. Amanda Siegfried’s vibrato adds a layer of fragility to her performance as Cosette, a fragility that is perfect for an innocent young girl who suddenly finds herself in love at first sight.
But what the big screen can capture that a stage cannot contain is the largeness of the story: it’s the early days of the French Revolution and that story needs all of Paris, not just what a stage in a theater can capture through staging. The poverty and oppression of the people contrasts better with the opulence of the rich upper class when it’s shown in the carriages and frippery of the wealthy traversing the streets of Paris, the rich elite who ignore the pleadings of the abject poor standing aside to let them pass. The tension between the rich and the poor, and the passion of the poor to revolt and gain their freedom, needs the grandeur of the city in which it occurs, a grandeur that the stage could not capture for me during a live performance.
The comedic relief steals the show in the characters of Sasha Bowen Cohen and Helen Bonheim Carter, who are wonderful as the King and Queen of the streets. Their appearances are garish, a mishmash of costume elements and farcical make-up that mock the upper classes without a word being spoken. They are witty, they are comical, they are tragic representations of what their lives lack, and when they are front and center of the performance, they provide the emotional moments of release that the story demands of its viewers before going another layer deeper into the heart of the drama.
The symphony that tells the story in musical performance is incredible: the score provides the background that keeps the story moving forward for well over two hours, but it takes center stage to underscore both the depth of the tragedy and the lightness of the comedic moments. Much has been made of the technique of having the actors sing their performances and then adding the musical score to match the performances – and it works beyond imagining. Rather than being a music-driven production, it’s an actor-driven performance, and it’s excellent.
The theaters in the CV have been packed with the "grey brigade" of seniors, but this is a film that could teach many lessons to high school students who lack depth in their own lives. Of course, viewing demands sitting still and focused for over two hours, no cell phones allowed, which could be a deal-breaker for a younger audience. I recommend Les Mis as a must-see in the theater at least once, but the kind of film experience that can be seen again to enhance the richness of the experience. Just as the stage experience left me wanting something more, viewing this production on a TV screen will not create the same "surround sound" emotionally encompassing experience.
It doesn’t matter if actors cannot sing perfectly as much as if they can act believably, and this performance is believable. Hugh Jackman sings one of my favorite songs (Let Him Live) in a key a bit too high for his singing talent, but it’s okay because it’s so raw, so gritty, so believable. None of us perform perfectly during life’s real moments, so it’s okay if the actor singing his role isn’t exactly right on perfect. Russell Crowe captures the essence of the stoic military bearing of Chabert, even in his most passionately emotional scenes, not because he’s a talented singer, but because he knows how to perform the role in which he’s cast. Anne Hathaway’s voice is one of the better in this film, but her acting is what makes her voice cut deeply into the heart of the viewer. Amanda Siegfried’s vibrato adds a layer of fragility to her performance as Cosette, a fragility that is perfect for an innocent young girl who suddenly finds herself in love at first sight.
But what the big screen can capture that a stage cannot contain is the largeness of the story: it’s the early days of the French Revolution and that story needs all of Paris, not just what a stage in a theater can capture through staging. The poverty and oppression of the people contrasts better with the opulence of the rich upper class when it’s shown in the carriages and frippery of the wealthy traversing the streets of Paris, the rich elite who ignore the pleadings of the abject poor standing aside to let them pass. The tension between the rich and the poor, and the passion of the poor to revolt and gain their freedom, needs the grandeur of the city in which it occurs, a grandeur that the stage could not capture for me during a live performance.
The comedic relief steals the show in the characters of Sasha Bowen Cohen and Helen Bonheim Carter, who are wonderful as the King and Queen of the streets. Their appearances are garish, a mishmash of costume elements and farcical make-up that mock the upper classes without a word being spoken. They are witty, they are comical, they are tragic representations of what their lives lack, and when they are front and center of the performance, they provide the emotional moments of release that the story demands of its viewers before going another layer deeper into the heart of the drama.
The symphony that tells the story in musical performance is incredible: the score provides the background that keeps the story moving forward for well over two hours, but it takes center stage to underscore both the depth of the tragedy and the lightness of the comedic moments. Much has been made of the technique of having the actors sing their performances and then adding the musical score to match the performances – and it works beyond imagining. Rather than being a music-driven production, it’s an actor-driven performance, and it’s excellent.
The theaters in the CV have been packed with the "grey brigade" of seniors, but this is a film that could teach many lessons to high school students who lack depth in their own lives. Of course, viewing demands sitting still and focused for over two hours, no cell phones allowed, which could be a deal-breaker for a younger audience. I recommend Les Mis as a must-see in the theater at least once, but the kind of film experience that can be seen again to enhance the richness of the experience. Just as the stage experience left me wanting something more, viewing this production on a TV screen will not create the same "surround sound" emotionally encompassing experience.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
A Fly on the K Wall
Wouldn't it be fun to be a fly on the Kardashian wall during the holiday season? I can hear Kris lamenting that she just has to stick to her $100,000.00 gift budget "this year." However, once you've bought one daughter a pair of Loo-be-tons for $1500, I'm going to guess the budget is out of the window.
Wonder if any of them realize they probably spend more for Christmas gifts than most of us earn in a year or two... ?
Wonder if any of them realize they probably spend more for Christmas gifts than most of us earn in a year or two... ?
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Random Thoughts
It amazes me that hundreds of people can create a flashmob in hours, complete with choreography and costumes, while Congress cannot pass a bill in months/years of wranglin’ about the details.
It amuses me that so many people are willing to wear ugly Christmas sweaters, but spend hundreds of dollars to create the perfect outfits for parties and bar crawls by buying only the top labels in current fashion.
If people are willing to send donations every time a tragedy strikes to help out the people affected, why wouldn't they be willing to pay a bit more in taxes to pay for all the "social welfare" programs already on the government's books? Just think: people sent over 60,000 teddy bears to Newtown, CT.
If President Obama were really concerned about cliffs and falls, why not have a simple swearing-in ceremony instead of a full-blown repeat of his first inauguration? He’s already done this once, so twice is redundant, and not fiscally responsible. “Lead by example” is a motto everyone should contemplate, but especially the President of the United States of America, the economy of which is teetering on a fiscal cliff.
I wonder why my next-door neighbor calls on Christmas day to tell me that she’s cooking a big holiday dinner, asks me what I’m doing, then, after learning that I am home alone, doesn’t invite me to join her. She did, however, ask me if I made holiday cookies this year ... .
It amuses me that so many people are willing to wear ugly Christmas sweaters, but spend hundreds of dollars to create the perfect outfits for parties and bar crawls by buying only the top labels in current fashion.
If people are willing to send donations every time a tragedy strikes to help out the people affected, why wouldn't they be willing to pay a bit more in taxes to pay for all the "social welfare" programs already on the government's books? Just think: people sent over 60,000 teddy bears to Newtown, CT.
If President Obama were really concerned about cliffs and falls, why not have a simple swearing-in ceremony instead of a full-blown repeat of his first inauguration? He’s already done this once, so twice is redundant, and not fiscally responsible. “Lead by example” is a motto everyone should contemplate, but especially the President of the United States of America, the economy of which is teetering on a fiscal cliff.
I wonder why my next-door neighbor calls on Christmas day to tell me that she’s cooking a big holiday dinner, asks me what I’m doing, then, after learning that I am home alone, doesn’t invite me to join her. She did, however, ask me if I made holiday cookies this year ... .
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Inn the Holiday Mood
The Mission Inn in Riverside is spectacular any time of the year, but especially so at Christmas as every available surface is decorated and often lit with holiday lights. There are many shops that comprise the village atmosphere created both within and surrounding the Inn, which has become the heart of the city of Riverside. The historic Inn has seen both good times and bad, including almost a decade of non-use that precluded purchase by a new corporation, the Historic Mission Inn Corporation, which not only purchased the Inn, but renovated it beyond its original splendor.
This year, I invited both Yucheng and my dear friend, Nadine, to be my guests on a day trip to the Inn. We were all impressed with both the architecture and the historical aspects of the Inn, including original wood benches, artwork, and religious icons, as well as a museum feel to the locale. The Inn is decked out for Christmas, so there were decorations and lights from one end to the another, both inside and out, decorations that come to light with the Festival of the Lights, an evening event that draws thousands of visitors to the Inn. We, however, enjoyed a daytime visit, but still were able to enjoy the many different indoor displays.
We stopped just outside one entrance to the Inn to enjoy a cupcake from Casey’s Cupcakes, a recent winner on the TV show Cupcake Wars. All three of us enjoyed our cupcakes, but my loyal friends assured me that MY cupcakes are better. I will admit that the lemon cake I had was dry, but the buttercream icing was delicious. We also visited various shops in the mall outside the Inn, including one that featured the most unusual holiday tree I’ve seen – and loved! Nadine found the perfect holiday gift, a Santa on Skis, for her son who anticipates the annual holiday season solely for the skiing!
We enjoyed lunch at the American cuisine restaurant, which was filled to capacity the entire time we were at the Inn. The food was delicious, and sitting outside to enjoy lunch in late December was a real treat: beautiful weather and surrounded with Christmas decorations and music. Although Riverside may not be considered as a major tourist destination, the Mission Inn is certainly a must-stop while in the city, and most especially during the Christmas holidays.
This year, I invited both Yucheng and my dear friend, Nadine, to be my guests on a day trip to the Inn. We were all impressed with both the architecture and the historical aspects of the Inn, including original wood benches, artwork, and religious icons, as well as a museum feel to the locale. The Inn is decked out for Christmas, so there were decorations and lights from one end to the another, both inside and out, decorations that come to light with the Festival of the Lights, an evening event that draws thousands of visitors to the Inn. We, however, enjoyed a daytime visit, but still were able to enjoy the many different indoor displays.
We stopped just outside one entrance to the Inn to enjoy a cupcake from Casey’s Cupcakes, a recent winner on the TV show Cupcake Wars. All three of us enjoyed our cupcakes, but my loyal friends assured me that MY cupcakes are better. I will admit that the lemon cake I had was dry, but the buttercream icing was delicious. We also visited various shops in the mall outside the Inn, including one that featured the most unusual holiday tree I’ve seen – and loved! Nadine found the perfect holiday gift, a Santa on Skis, for her son who anticipates the annual holiday season solely for the skiing!
We enjoyed lunch at the American cuisine restaurant, which was filled to capacity the entire time we were at the Inn. The food was delicious, and sitting outside to enjoy lunch in late December was a real treat: beautiful weather and surrounded with Christmas decorations and music. Although Riverside may not be considered as a major tourist destination, the Mission Inn is certainly a must-stop while in the city, and most especially during the Christmas holidays.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Kindle Didn't Light My Fire
I stumbled across the HSN site while channel surfing, just in time to see the new Kindle Fire HD being offered at what I believe to be a reasonable price. I watched the on-air demo and decided that this might work for me as I read books on my Kindle, but have cataracts that are making reading at night more challenging than it used to be. I called and ordered the product, which arrived day before yesterday.
It's too much "stuff" for my simple needs, lots of features and fun I'll never use, so, alas, I repacked it and sent it back. I'll continue to use my simple Kindle and wait until the cataracts are removed in June and I have 20/20 vision for the first time in my life -- and they will even correct my acute astigmatism at the same time!
It's too much "stuff" for my simple needs, lots of features and fun I'll never use, so, alas, I repacked it and sent it back. I'll continue to use my simple Kindle and wait until the cataracts are removed in June and I have 20/20 vision for the first time in my life -- and they will even correct my acute astigmatism at the same time!
Frankly, I Don't Give a Damn
After receiving 3 separate phone calls requesting that I call in regards to my new US Airways credit card, I did so to find out that my account is "in arrears" and I needed to send payment immediately to avoid all sorts of dastardly repercussions. Just as there are always 3 sides to any coin (don't forget the edge, upon which a coin can balance), I called to hear US Airways side of this one.
Frankly, I'm not too hot for the idea of outsourcing customer services, but Frank was obviously sitting at a desk in India, based on my recollection of the call center featured in a recent movie, "Marigold Hotel." I had already been through the automated teller and knew that my payment due December 7 had not been received, and I was at the head of a long line of harassment if I didn't send it immediately.
However, what I knew that evidently the customer service call center employee did not know, is that I paid the bill on November 18 and it cleared my checking account on November 28. Thus, I was NOT in arrears and the phone calls could stop. Or not, if Frank is to be believed because until HE says the payment has been received and processed, it has NOT been received and processed.
It was frustrating to have him tell me to check with my bank to "find the error," and me tell him that I was online with my bank account in front of me and the check was cleared on November 28, which is according to my calendar, a full 10 days prior to the due date. Rather than slapping me with a $20 late fee and $2.40 accrued interest, he should be thanking me for being such a good customer. When it got to the point that I said to him, "You are accusing me of not telling the truth and are demanding that I get correct information from my bank, which I am telling you I am looking at on my online bank statement," it turned ugly.
When Frank told me that I was being "unreasonable and rude," I authorized him to (again) withdraw the money from my checking account IF he would take back both the $20 late fee and the $2.40 interest -- and I would not cancel the card effectively immediately.
Then I went to my banker, explained the issue, and she called the call center, eventually got a case number, then faxed a letter to US Airways directing them to reverse the additional payment and credit that amount back to me. See, she talked to David, who did a "Frank" on her, explaining that they have never received the alleged payment that cleared my checking account on November 28. My banker offered to FAX them the record of both sides of the check, including the "deposted into account" whatever on the back -- US Airways account. And FAX them she did because it seems that "the customer already made the payment" isn't in the script they use to handle customer issues. And my banker wasn't going to play the "unreasonable and rude" game with David. She wanted her bank's reputation restored as standing by its online banking services and that's what she received.
I don't know why the simplest things become so complicated, but if it involves outsourced services, I can almost guarantee that it'll be complicated regardless of the issue or services a customer calls about. I'll wait and see how long it takes to get my second payment back -- and then demand that they pay me a $20 fee and the accrued interest?
Nah, THAT would be "unreasonable and rude," wouldn't it?
Frankly, I'm not too hot for the idea of outsourcing customer services, but Frank was obviously sitting at a desk in India, based on my recollection of the call center featured in a recent movie, "Marigold Hotel." I had already been through the automated teller and knew that my payment due December 7 had not been received, and I was at the head of a long line of harassment if I didn't send it immediately.
However, what I knew that evidently the customer service call center employee did not know, is that I paid the bill on November 18 and it cleared my checking account on November 28. Thus, I was NOT in arrears and the phone calls could stop. Or not, if Frank is to be believed because until HE says the payment has been received and processed, it has NOT been received and processed.
It was frustrating to have him tell me to check with my bank to "find the error," and me tell him that I was online with my bank account in front of me and the check was cleared on November 28, which is according to my calendar, a full 10 days prior to the due date. Rather than slapping me with a $20 late fee and $2.40 accrued interest, he should be thanking me for being such a good customer. When it got to the point that I said to him, "You are accusing me of not telling the truth and are demanding that I get correct information from my bank, which I am telling you I am looking at on my online bank statement," it turned ugly.
When Frank told me that I was being "unreasonable and rude," I authorized him to (again) withdraw the money from my checking account IF he would take back both the $20 late fee and the $2.40 interest -- and I would not cancel the card effectively immediately.
Then I went to my banker, explained the issue, and she called the call center, eventually got a case number, then faxed a letter to US Airways directing them to reverse the additional payment and credit that amount back to me. See, she talked to David, who did a "Frank" on her, explaining that they have never received the alleged payment that cleared my checking account on November 28. My banker offered to FAX them the record of both sides of the check, including the "deposted into account" whatever on the back -- US Airways account. And FAX them she did because it seems that "the customer already made the payment" isn't in the script they use to handle customer issues. And my banker wasn't going to play the "unreasonable and rude" game with David. She wanted her bank's reputation restored as standing by its online banking services and that's what she received.
I don't know why the simplest things become so complicated, but if it involves outsourced services, I can almost guarantee that it'll be complicated regardless of the issue or services a customer calls about. I'll wait and see how long it takes to get my second payment back -- and then demand that they pay me a $20 fee and the accrued interest?
Nah, THAT would be "unreasonable and rude," wouldn't it?
Monday, December 17, 2012
Gun Control
Just a thought as the hue and cry gains momentum to take away the guns from American gun owners: the guns used in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting were all purchased legally and registered to their legal owner, who was shot to death with one of her own weapons. The mother apparently knew that her son was "troubled," the parental euphemism for mentally unstable and/or socially outcast, but she kept the problems to herself. Perhaps she blamed the schools for behaviorial issues as she chose to remove the boy from the system and "homeschool" him instead, reinforcing the "troubles" that perhaps led him to commit the horrific crime that ended both his mother's life and his own, as well as the 26 other victims of his mental imbalance.
No one who owns a gun ever thinks that anyone will use the weapon to harm others, much less themselves, but sees the weapon as a tool to use when they are confronted by hostility and potentially lethally situations.
We need better insight into the people who contact our lives and not be afraid to say out loud that so-and-so is potentially a lethal weapon in and of him/herself. We see the signs, but we are prohibited by right to privacy laws from saying anything. The finger is always pointed at the person who stands up and states aloud what others may be thinking: this person is "troubled" and potentially violent. Police cannot "profile" possible criminals without subjecting themselves to harassment and civil rights violation charges; teachers have to tread lightly when discussing the real classroom behaviors of students in their care because the child the parent sends to school is often not the same child the teacher greets each morning; bosses have to avoid discrimination lawsuits by watching every single word they utter that someone/anyone may take offense to; neighbors have to mind their own business.
We have gun control; what we lack are the channels for controlling the people who use guns to commit crimes.
No one who owns a gun ever thinks that anyone will use the weapon to harm others, much less themselves, but sees the weapon as a tool to use when they are confronted by hostility and potentially lethally situations.
We need better insight into the people who contact our lives and not be afraid to say out loud that so-and-so is potentially a lethal weapon in and of him/herself. We see the signs, but we are prohibited by right to privacy laws from saying anything. The finger is always pointed at the person who stands up and states aloud what others may be thinking: this person is "troubled" and potentially violent. Police cannot "profile" possible criminals without subjecting themselves to harassment and civil rights violation charges; teachers have to tread lightly when discussing the real classroom behaviors of students in their care because the child the parent sends to school is often not the same child the teacher greets each morning; bosses have to avoid discrimination lawsuits by watching every single word they utter that someone/anyone may take offense to; neighbors have to mind their own business.
We have gun control; what we lack are the channels for controlling the people who use guns to commit crimes.
The 27th Soul
Last evening's multi-denominational prayer vigil in Newtown, CT was both appropriate and emotionally moving. It was nice to hear prayers, rather than platitudes. We all know that this tragedy will take a long time to assimilate, and many people will never "get over it" no matter how hard they try to do just that. We all do what we all have to do, and that's get out of bed, put our feet on the floor, and start moving through one more day at a time. Someday, we'll be able to accept that we cannot change what happened, but we have to continue to live with it for as long as we live.
However, the constant reference to the "26 souls" lost in the massacre leaves me wondering about the 27th soul, the mother whose son shot her to death as she lay in her bed on that terrible day. Is ignoring her death deliberate? Is she somehow less worthy of mourning than the other 26 who died at the killer's hand? Her family, her surviving son, her friends mourn her death, so why is she publicly being excluded from mourning as one of the victims of her son's tragic actions?
Let's offer a prayer for the 27th soul, the first victim of the "school shooting" at Newtown, CT.
However, the constant reference to the "26 souls" lost in the massacre leaves me wondering about the 27th soul, the mother whose son shot her to death as she lay in her bed on that terrible day. Is ignoring her death deliberate? Is she somehow less worthy of mourning than the other 26 who died at the killer's hand? Her family, her surviving son, her friends mourn her death, so why is she publicly being excluded from mourning as one of the victims of her son's tragic actions?
Let's offer a prayer for the 27th soul, the first victim of the "school shooting" at Newtown, CT.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Google It
The dogs and I watch the opening dialog on "Live with Kelly and Michael," which is followed by a trivia question that results in a prize. Today's opening was good, including the reaction to contact lenses that can receive text messages, so I stayed for the travel trivia question: Who wrote Anna Karenina?
The guest's keyboard could be heard over the phone speaker, as she Googled it and took the first entry on the list, which was so totally wrong that it could be a punchline! Marilyn Edmonds.
She must have typed the title incorrectly as I Googled and came up with Leo Tolstoy, which is the correct response, and never saw "Marilyn Edmonds" as a choice.
There are sometimes reasons not to depend on Google, people.
The guest's keyboard could be heard over the phone speaker, as she Googled it and took the first entry on the list, which was so totally wrong that it could be a punchline! Marilyn Edmonds.
She must have typed the title incorrectly as I Googled and came up with Leo Tolstoy, which is the correct response, and never saw "Marilyn Edmonds" as a choice.
There are sometimes reasons not to depend on Google, people.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
It's Shorthand for Life
It’s a form of shorthand for remembering key ideas, and some well-known acronyms are commonplace in our language, such as SNAFU (Situation Normal/ All F---ed Up), SCUBA gear (Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus), 24/7/365 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year). We have LALL (Living And Loving Life), as well as CAVU (Ceiling And Visibility Unlimited). In this same vein, we have become accustomed to using key words to capture our life: Eat, Pray, Love; Live, Laugh, Love. Sometimes, it's just easier to use the key words/phrases than it is to process the question and then respond in a meaningful manner.
Lots of people use the word “fine” to respond when asked, “How are you?”, but the folks at Betty Ford say that’s an acronym for “Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Escalating,” an interesting twist of shorthand. According to The Italian Job, “fine” means “Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.” Sometimes, fine is just a shorthand way of saying, “I don’t want to talk about it,” or “My life is so fucked up right now that I don’t think I can talk about it.”
I was impressed with the brief comments made by the quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs, a football team trying to get a handle on two deaths attributed to one of their players, his own suicide and the homicide of his live-in girlfriend, who was also his 3-month-old child’s mother. According to news reports, they had been dealing for many months with the stress of the professional football career demands, as well as personal relationship issues and financial matters. It all came to a head last Saturday with the two violent deaths, to which the quarterback responded in a press conference that we don’t really communicate with the people in our lives. We tweet what other people want to believe and we say the words that others want to hear, but we seldom, if ever, put down our electronic “social media” connections and really connect with people, both to talk with and listen to the people in our lives.
When we ask, “how ya doin?” and they respond “fine,” we both move on. What more is there to say?
I’m seeing a psychotherapist because my past caught up to my present and the resulting collision was unnerving. I am bi-polar, which is a chemical imbalance within my body, so sometimes I’m up (way, way up) and other times I’m down (way, way down), while other times I’m “fine.” I grew up in a family that didn’t talk about that, no matter what the “that” was, and we didn’t do that, again no matter what the “that” was. I learned to keep my own issues to myself, but because of my body chemistry, that was the worst thing I could do – and things found their own way out no matter how much I tried to keep them inside. Seldom was I “fine,” meaning okay, but more often I was “Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Escalating.” I became fairly good at masking my behaviors, but everyone has to remove the mask sooner or later, ready or not.
Today, I had my weekly visit with Jennifer, who is a good therapist for me. I asked her if she was more “eat, pray, love” or “live laugh love,” and she chose the latter as being more positive, more out there, which is what I thought she’d say. She agreed with my choice, “eat, pray, love,” based on the several months we’ve been getting to know one another. I do pray, but not fervently or endlessly, and I prayed yesterday while I was driving to San Diego to see an elderly friend of mine. I just wanted our time together to be good because my friend has steadily deteriorated during the last several months. I spoke with her Sunday morning and enjoyed her upbeat, positive reaction to the fact that I was coming down. Of course, she had a list of things we were going to do.
When I arrived, my worst fear was realized: she had another “mini-stroke” Sunday and this time, it was openly obvious with the blank facial affect, the constant drooling, and her inability to process conversation and respond to it. Although I doubted the wisdom of our going out and about, she insisted, so that’s what we did. It was “fine,” but filled with the stress of knowing her physical condition was not stabilized nor steady from one minute to the next. She would begin to speak, then stop and drift off somewhere other than in the present. I returned her to her residence, tucked her in for a nap, gave her a hug and told her I love her, then drove back home knowing that was probably our last visit.
She’s supposed to be leaving today for holiday time with her daughter and son-in-law, but I doubt she can make that trip. If she does get to Colorado, I doubt she’ll return to California once her family sees the deterioration. They will want her closer to them so they can share what time is left.
The holidays are a difficult time for me in a good year, and I will do my best to enjoy this joyful season this year, too. I do love the food of celebration and I love cooking it as much as I enjoy eating it, so that will take my mind off the negatives. It’s challenging to believe that the year 2013 is so few days away, and my goal for the new year is to do at least one “something” that I enjoy, want to do, and can afford each month. This includes both a visit to Oregon and another visit to Canada, as well as shorter visits to friends who live in Nevada and Wyoming. If retirement is about travel, I’m about to travel!
To be continued … maybe
Lots of people use the word “fine” to respond when asked, “How are you?”, but the folks at Betty Ford say that’s an acronym for “Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Escalating,” an interesting twist of shorthand. According to The Italian Job, “fine” means “Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.” Sometimes, fine is just a shorthand way of saying, “I don’t want to talk about it,” or “My life is so fucked up right now that I don’t think I can talk about it.”
I was impressed with the brief comments made by the quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs, a football team trying to get a handle on two deaths attributed to one of their players, his own suicide and the homicide of his live-in girlfriend, who was also his 3-month-old child’s mother. According to news reports, they had been dealing for many months with the stress of the professional football career demands, as well as personal relationship issues and financial matters. It all came to a head last Saturday with the two violent deaths, to which the quarterback responded in a press conference that we don’t really communicate with the people in our lives. We tweet what other people want to believe and we say the words that others want to hear, but we seldom, if ever, put down our electronic “social media” connections and really connect with people, both to talk with and listen to the people in our lives.
When we ask, “how ya doin?” and they respond “fine,” we both move on. What more is there to say?
I’m seeing a psychotherapist because my past caught up to my present and the resulting collision was unnerving. I am bi-polar, which is a chemical imbalance within my body, so sometimes I’m up (way, way up) and other times I’m down (way, way down), while other times I’m “fine.” I grew up in a family that didn’t talk about that, no matter what the “that” was, and we didn’t do that, again no matter what the “that” was. I learned to keep my own issues to myself, but because of my body chemistry, that was the worst thing I could do – and things found their own way out no matter how much I tried to keep them inside. Seldom was I “fine,” meaning okay, but more often I was “Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Escalating.” I became fairly good at masking my behaviors, but everyone has to remove the mask sooner or later, ready or not.
Today, I had my weekly visit with Jennifer, who is a good therapist for me. I asked her if she was more “eat, pray, love” or “live laugh love,” and she chose the latter as being more positive, more out there, which is what I thought she’d say. She agreed with my choice, “eat, pray, love,” based on the several months we’ve been getting to know one another. I do pray, but not fervently or endlessly, and I prayed yesterday while I was driving to San Diego to see an elderly friend of mine. I just wanted our time together to be good because my friend has steadily deteriorated during the last several months. I spoke with her Sunday morning and enjoyed her upbeat, positive reaction to the fact that I was coming down. Of course, she had a list of things we were going to do.
When I arrived, my worst fear was realized: she had another “mini-stroke” Sunday and this time, it was openly obvious with the blank facial affect, the constant drooling, and her inability to process conversation and respond to it. Although I doubted the wisdom of our going out and about, she insisted, so that’s what we did. It was “fine,” but filled with the stress of knowing her physical condition was not stabilized nor steady from one minute to the next. She would begin to speak, then stop and drift off somewhere other than in the present. I returned her to her residence, tucked her in for a nap, gave her a hug and told her I love her, then drove back home knowing that was probably our last visit.
She’s supposed to be leaving today for holiday time with her daughter and son-in-law, but I doubt she can make that trip. If she does get to Colorado, I doubt she’ll return to California once her family sees the deterioration. They will want her closer to them so they can share what time is left.
The holidays are a difficult time for me in a good year, and I will do my best to enjoy this joyful season this year, too. I do love the food of celebration and I love cooking it as much as I enjoy eating it, so that will take my mind off the negatives. It’s challenging to believe that the year 2013 is so few days away, and my goal for the new year is to do at least one “something” that I enjoy, want to do, and can afford each month. This includes both a visit to Oregon and another visit to Canada, as well as shorter visits to friends who live in Nevada and Wyoming. If retirement is about travel, I’m about to travel!
To be continued … maybe
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