Personal Resolve

The "astrology team" at MSN offers 3 resolutions for the first day of the rest of your life, so I've borrowed them to clarify my own resolve.

First resolution: Get your own life in order — NOW. Whatever is uncertain, firm it up. Pay off as many debts as you can, and avoid running up any new ones. Start setting aside a little nest egg for yourself, and clear up any tension there may be between you and friends or family members to improve the mood.

Response: This is pretty much how I live my life, but how do I persuade others to do likewise? My "village" is guilty of the affluent life style, a life style that all too often is WAY beyond their means. I'm not.

Second resolution: Don’t depend on anyone but yourself to solve your problems. By taking matters into your own hands, you will be able to enact change in your life and in the lives of those close to you — if you want something done right, do it yourself! If you’re dissatisfied with your life, work to change it, perhaps by joining one of the grassroots movements that have been popping up like mushrooms all over the world.

Response: I've been the responsible party for the past 40-something years, pretty much doing whatever it takes to acquit myself with honor. Unfortunately, being a self-sufficient, non-conforming member of the "village" is not what others expect, with the result being that I am (perhaps) too independent, too emotionally distant, too self-sufficient. What I've also learned is that change isn't good or bad, it's just different, but the impact of the changes I make on others needs to be part of the decision-making process before I implement the change. All too often living with the change is worse than accepting the status quo.

Third resolution: Get involved. What cause appeals to you the most? Is it world peace, health and fitness for all, sustainable energy, or perhaps the rights of the weak, such as children and animals? Doing good for others will give you inspiration in other areas of your life, and overcoming obstacles will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment. Now is not the time to back down from a challenge — you could surprise yourself with how successfully you dealt with a difficult situation.

Response: I've given of myself for the past 40 years until there isn't much left for anything other than a small circle of family, friends, and responsibilities. My best efforts over the years have resulted in censure more often than praise because other people don't like those who do more than they do, or do it better or without regard for the extrinsic payback. Up until 10 years ago, I thought I had a lot to contribute to the world, but people and events convinced me that is not the case. I moved in another direction, leaving self-serving altruism to those who need it to build their resume or their own self-esteem.

Summary: I'm not a bad person, but I could be a better person. I can do more, but I already do more than what I advertise to others. I can change myself, but I cannot change others, so what difference does it make if I change? Why not accept that this is who I am, this is what I do/don't do, and if that works for you, then it works for me, and there is an us. If I'm not a person you want to share your time, space, or self with, or if you aren't a person I want to spend my time, space, or self with, then let's move on. It's not all about you, it's also about me, and I need to have as large a voice in my life as others presume to have. There's a difference between making decisions that affect me--and making decisions for me. When I have no voice, I have no life, so if that bothers you, then either deal with it or not, but don't try to make me take your journey: I have my own journey.

It takes a long life to learn the lesson that each of us does the best we can with what we have. As my mother used to caution me, "You can't put an old head onto young shoulders." Today, I'm an older head on older shoulders, so I understand that some people have more than others, intrinsically and /or extrinsically, but we use the tools we have, as well as what we learn as we go along, to make it through one day at a time. Sometimes life works for us, and other times it doesn't, but if we give it our best effort every day, chances are we'll have more workable days than not.