Conflict at the Check-out Counter

I walked the length of the deserted check-out lanes, but the only two open this morning were clearly identified as "Express" lanes, limited to consumers with 15 items or less (which should be fewer because they can be counted, rather than weighed, which would require the use of less). I asked the checker if a full-basket lane was available, but she responded "no" and told me it was okay to get into the express line.

Thus began the conflict at the check-out counter.

The elderly couple behind me made it quite clear that I had more than 15 items in my basket and should find another lane as I was clogging the express lane. I had already allowed 2 customers to go ahead of me, checked with an authority about a full-basket lane, and stood my ground. The man looked over my shoulder and commented on the items as I removed them from the cart to the conveyer belt, noting to his companion that I had purchased 10 containers of yogurt and a T-bone steak marked down for quick sale. He also informed his companion that I only purchased 2 pieces of fruit, but a new jar of popcorn and a full pound of real butter -- "must not have cholersterol issues" was his medical opinion. I speeded up the transfer of items, hoping to finish my check-out and leave the store with a shred of dignity, but then he put his hand on my shoulder and cautioned me to "Slow down; you don't want to bruise your bananas."

Believe me, buddy, it wasn't my bananas that were going to be bruised if you didn't remove your hand immediately! No, I didn't attack him, either physically or verbally, but it was close for a moment. The withering stare seemed to do the trick this time and he stepped back, but I'm still not believing that HE TOUCHED ME!

You know, there are times when people should just shut the hell up and mind their own business, and I'm saying that one of those times is while taking a turn in the grocery store check-out lane. What I had in my cart was no one's business but mine, and how many items I had in my cart was also my business. The clerk, sensing my irritation, apologized loudly and repeatedly for not having a full-cart lane available, but I felt as if I had committed a criminal act by putting twice as many items on the conveyer belt as allowed by the "express" designation.

Part of me wanted to be rude, to confront the elderly couple behind me, to tell them to keep their hands and their comments to themselves, but then I thought for a minute and decided that, perhaps, the trip to the grocery store is their only entertainment. Maybe I provided them with fodder for conversation for the rest of the day -- for the rest of the week -- until they return to the store next week and make someone else's life a public spectacle.

Cheap thrill at my expense, but what the heck.