Loser's Laments

We all have them, our coping strategies for when life hands us that proverbial bag of lemons and we have to figure out how to use them. I prefer either lemon bars or lemon meringue pie, but sometimes we don't have time to get fancy and have to get through whatever it is life has handed us. Because I am (very) verbal, I use my words and either talk it to death or write, write, write myself through it. Some people call the working-through-it process Loser's Laments, the negative side of another way to react and turn the lemons into something much better than just sour sucking.

A month ago, another situation developed wherein I made the best decision I could make at the time I had to make a decision based on the limited information I had to use in the decision-making process. It wasn't what I thought was necessarily the right thing to do, but just in case I had not communicated clearly, I decided that it was better to do the wrong thing and make the situation right than it was to do the right thing and make an already shakey situation worse. However, this week, while I was searching for a work-around for my decision implementation, I spoke with a colleague about the initial situation, the issue that developed, and my decision. She was visibly upset because, in her logical-sequential thought-processing, she realized that I did not follow the protocol, nor the process, for handling this situation.

As I said to her, "It's already done. I made the decision; I stand by the decision; I simply need to make it work this semester." For me, it was a no-brainer, but for her, it was a much bigger issue with many more tentacles than I imagined possible.

As I walked away from our conversation, my head throbbed with self-flagellation: once again, in the effort to handle a situation, I messed up by trying to solve it myself. I created a problem for others when all I wanted to do was solve a problem that involved me. The more I thought about it, the more frustrated, angry, and stressed out I became. I drove home determined to somehow make this work, and went to the 'fridge for something cold to drink while I tried to solve the problem.

There, on the 'fridge door, were the Loser's Laments:

Don't whine; win
Don't complain; convince
Don't suffer; solve

Okay, "don't suffer; solve." How could I solve this issue? Deal with it head-on at the highest level of responsibility for decision-making. "Don't whine; win." Provide the background, update the change of circumstance, and explain why I made the decision I made. "Don't complain; convince." I had evidence to support the chain of events, so felt confident that I could convince the person who is the final say in these kinds of things that, while what I did may not conform to strict policy, it was the right thing to do in this situation.

I wrote the email, hit the send button, and waited.

Hurrah: yes, my handling of this situation is fine, but in future situations of a similar nature, I may want to follow a different process to assure that nothing can come back on either the college or me after the fact. I still need to find a work-around to facilitate actually implementing the plan, but knowing that it is okay to do that, I feel much better about the whole situation.

Having a strategy helps me to remember the process until I no longer need to remind myself how to handle the lemons life sends my way. I've always relied on St. Francis's strength, courage, wisdom and serenity, but now I've added the Loser's Laments to show me how to shore up my strength, gather my courage, rely on my innate wisdom, and make it all the way to serenity!