Dancing My Ass

So much for the "it's all about the dancing" warnings given endlessly during the lead-up to the final results. Last night, it was all about personality, ethusiasm, crowd-pleasing winks and big fake grins.

Yeah, Brooke won, which is okay, but Warren took 2nd place, which is totally not okay. It was so apparent from both Cody Linley's and Lance's performances last night that Warren Sapp should never have been in the final 3 of the competition. Sapp thundered heavily across the floor, standing in place while his partner danced; both Brooke and Lance danced with their partners, doing the intricate moves and foot work beat for beat with the professionals.

It was as if the judges were reading a script, not critiquing a performance! Again, Warren, you big ole sexy cuddly teddy bear, you sure had the crowd on their feet. The audience (and Carrie Ann) just love you! You have totally taught the world that anyone can get out on the dance floor! Lance, your performance didn't measure up to the high professional standards that characterize the final 3. Carrie Ann was quick to point out that Lance missed a little thingy that she twirled with her finger -- but Warren, you great big cuddly sexy teddy bear, you really had the crowd on its feet! Men everywhere will be more likely to dance after watching you this season!

Perhaps it's time to shake up the panel of judges, you know, the old "judge not less ye too be judged." As a matter of fact, I'd like to see the three judges perform each season, so we can all have a better understanding of their credentials for the critiques of the non-dancer's performances. Yeah, I'm liking that ... .

Maybe I need another presidential campaign or lying Mayor Pro-Tem or extremely biased media event or total economic failure to rant and rave about. Those I cannot control by turning off the TV and going to bed, an action I should have taken about week 4 of DWTS, when Cloris was still in contention or after Toni Braxton was cut and Warren stayed, or when Cody was cut for being too young -- and sexy, cuddly Warren stayed.

Okay, okay, it's just a TV show. I get it. I don't like it, but I get it. Just move on. It's over. I don't have to watch next season. I mean, focus on world hunger, global warming, something other than a damned dancing show. How about a list of all the things I'm grateful for at T-day? I'll get back to you after my mammo.