An Eco-Friendly Economy

Have you noticed that the economy has lost its luster since the buzzword "robust" has fallen out of use? It's bad that the economy is fluctuating and failing, but it's worse that it's no longer robust. Robust is such a ... robust ... word for a society that insists that what we name something is what it is.

Take "Benifer," for example, a totally robust coupling until it wasn't, but when the "Ben" part moved on to graze in other pastures, his choices were limited in that the combining had to be perfect for the gossip shows and headlines. Thank God he was able to find another "ifer" to complete his life, although I noticed that "Benifer" wasn't as totally cute the second time around. The first "ifer" morphed into J-Lo, but when she hooked up with Marc, they nixed being either "Marco" or "Marlo," so some of the fun is missing from messing with them.

We've discovered that neither "recession" nor "depression" work as those terms have been around too long and aren't catchy enough; besides, those terms scare the shit out of people who know what they mean and that can't be good for the economy. I've toyed with some popular terms, "recyle," "repurpose" and "reposition," and I think that sending up the "repurposing our economy" flag may draw a few salutes because it is sort of positive, but nothing to match the robustness of a "robust economy."

And, since this President's platform is change we can believe in, "recycling the economy" simply won't do at all.

I kinda like "instant economy," based on the Pelosi model of fix it NOW or never. A cute play on a popular movie could be "Millionaire Slumdog Economy," putting the burden of getting us out of this mess on the backs of the upper crust of taxpayers, who will soon find out what it's like to live like the folks in Middle [income tax bracket] America. I tried to make "eco-nomics" work, but that's too confusing because that's like "economics," instead of like "eco," as in "eco-friendly economics."

Wow. Wait a minute; wait a minute. This may be it, the naming of the new economy: "eco-friendly." Yeah, it works for the green aspect, so we could talk about our "economic footprint," and that's totally hot, right? And by saying it's "eco-friendly," it's not so scary, so people won't like totally freak out. And I can see the public service ads: Today's economy is eco-friendly: what has your economy done to support you today?

This is totally going to work. It's not quite as robust as "robust," but I think it's going to hook the younger crowd. I mean, we can like do designer T-shirts and have all the stars like wear them, we can create an "eco-friendly" attitude so it's cool to use food stamps at the organic grocery store, wear thrift store chic, start climbing the corporate ladder at the unemployment office, you know -- the whole package. We can stimulate the economy by pushing a new "Unlimited Charge Card" concept, based on the bail-out model, so the consumers access the billions thrown at the failing businesses but don't have to worry about paying off the balance every month. It'll be eco-friendly to buy big, buy American, buy on credit again.

We'll turn this economy thing around with a new attitude that focuses on "Just Say Charge It" in the new eco-friendly economy. We'll get the money out of the savings accounts and into the marketplace. We'll relieve the world's anxiety by a conspicuous display of conspicuous American consumption, and all the money markets will know that America is back and stronger than ever. What a jump-start for Far East manufacturing and technology, as well as the stock markets.

And picture the Kennedy touch, the huge billboard in Times Square, with a picture of President Obama and the totally tomorrow take on the past: "Ask not what you can do for the economy, but what the economy can do for you!"

I can so market this idea. This is not only a smoking hot deal-maker, but it's also a career opportunity! This will work so I don't have to.