Obits: Fill in the Blanks

I have become my mother: I'm reading the obits and remarking how many people my age have died, which brings me to the point of this posting. When I die, I don't want to do so euphemistically. A person who dies is dead: not dearly departed, deceased, gone to be with God, called home, raised up, crossed over, gone to the light, in heaven, left us, or enjoying their eternal reward. They are dead, so it's okay to tell anyone who wants to know that I have ... died.

Secondly, what is with the listing of everyone who is remotely related to the dead one? I'm reading the list of all the people the dead person shared a life with, including long-dead parents, siblings and sibling's spouses, previous spouses, all of the offspring of those sometimes many couplings and their spouses, grandchildren, cousins, nieces, nephews: the list is endless. Suffice it to say that I have two children and a grandchild. If Mia is still around, she'd appreciate being included in the obit as my loyal companion, but that might make readers believe that I'm living a lesbian lifestyle, so just give Mia a pat on the head, a belly rub, and a treat. She'll be okay with that.

As far as listing all of the places I've lived, it's a short list and literally not worth mentioning. I have not traveled the world, met rich/famous people, or made any significant impact on Mother Earth, other than digging up all my grass and replacing it with rocks to save water, so you can skip that entire section of the form.

I didn't play golf, tennis or any other sport, so skip the sports readout. I do like to knit, crochet, and read, but these are not hobbies that make an impact statement in an obit. Although I've spent a lot of my life in a church, I currently do not, so skip that part of the form, too. Religious preference: the shoreline at sunset.

As far as my creds, my lifetime accomplishments, basically I was a mediocre wife (at best), an okay mother, and a wishful g'ma. My profession, teaching, occupied me and paid the bills for 30+ years of my life. I joined many organizations that came into my life at various times/places, but no one really cares about all of that, including me, especially when the list does nothing except fill more column inches for which someone has to pay extra. I used to go more places, meet more people, and do more things than is my current practice. I stopped volunteering when I found that I could write a check once a year and skip the drain on my physical and emotional resources that used to add an extra 8-10 hours each week to my I'm not at home schedule.

I'm sure that there are some people who will feel badly when I die, but life moves on, and I'll be one of those "oh? she died? huh" comments shortly thereafter. And regardless of anything else anyone thinks they need to feel better about my death, the idea of a Celebration of Life is so far from who I am, don't even go there! I'm dead, but I'll still be pissed. In lieu of flowers, donations, or a formal funeral service, how about if everyone who appreciated who I was and what I did with my life sends a thank you note to someone else they encountered in the course of their journey?

You know: pay it forward while the person is still alive to read the words and appreciate the sentiment.

And if anyone can find a download of Peggy Lee singing Is that all there is?, play it.