Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Hey, Dave?

How 'bout this for an opening monologue:

Because I love and respect my wife, whom I have not just embarrassed, but hurt deeply with my betrayal of our marriage commitment, I apologize. To all the women with whom I abused my positional power beyond the boundaries of a professional relationship, I apologize. Because my conduct is as reprehensible as the actions of the person who used my inexcusable behavior to extort money from me to keep it hidden, I apologize for making this very private situation into a public spectacle.

This needs to become a private conversation that I have with my wife, not share with an audience, so I am discontinuing any public comment about the situation. I also will no longer use this event as the basis for comedy as I have finally come to my senses and realize that this is no laughing matter.