Journey or Destination?

Some days something strikes a chord, as with today's saying, "Don't compare your life to others: you have no idea what their journey is all about." This self-centered attitude about life disregards the commonality that allows us to better ourselves by sharing the journeys of others.

Twice last week I shared a meal with a person who accuses the rest of the world of mental disorders as she talks about herself in a continual stream of vanity and self-affirmation. If, God forbid, I try to interject a comment or share an observation, I am rudely shut down as inconsequential and out of touch with today's issues! The last time we spent together, she complained loudly and much too long about another mutual acquaintance who accused her of refusing to process other people's feelings, an insult to which she took huge umbrage. It was not my job to point out how true the other person's observations are as that would simply lead to another vociferous justification of herself and her lifestyle, rather than to any insight into her own shortcomings. She is the embodiment of the "all about me" philsophy with which I have serious issues, a philosophy that is embedded in today's saying.

One of the ways that we all make meaning for ourselves is by examining the lives of others, trying to figure out if what works for them will also work for me. I don't always want to walk a mile in their moccasins, but sometimes by knowing their journey, I can improve my own. My mother used to scrape the butter wrappers and then store them in the 'fridge to use to grease the cake pans so the cake wouldn't stick. I don't do that as I didn't think then, nor do I think now, that it is an effective use of either my time or the butter wrapper. However, I'd give anything to have back paper bags, especially when I am baking and/or need book covers! My mother was extremely vocal about the conversion to plastic bags for grocery shopping, to no avail at the time, but now her point about the plastic fouling the environment has come full circle. Thus, I learned from observing my mother's life what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to change in my own life far beyond butter wrappers and paper bags.

My observation is that far too few people take the time to compare their own journey to the journeys of others in an effort to understand how "we" share life, and that self-centeredness has led to many of the issues with which society must now deal. My life has been influenced by my parents, who had to endure a long depression that tested the strength of the individual, the family, and society. There was a make-do philosophy, accompanied by a can-do attitude, and those who could not either make-do or simply do fell by the wayside. I learned to spend wisely, save for the future, pay my bills in full when they come due. I learned to do without, a concept that is foreign to far too many people of the generations who have lived a greater distance from the Great Depression than I, but, perhaps, a lifestyle we should revisit.

Past generations also seemed to hold onto a common core of values, those little commandments that originate in religious belief, but provide the foundation for civilized behavior that allows all of us to maintain our individual cultural traditions, but celebrate our shared humanity. One of the easiest to implement is the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Today's society seems to have perverted that homilie into "I'll do it to you before you can do to me," with everyone going their own way, rather than sharing and celebrating "our" way.

Pretty is as pretty does: the way a person acts pretty much shows how the person is, and how the person is becomes how the society is. Wishing it weren't so doesn't change it. If I observe another person's journey, rather than focusing exclusively on my own, I can not only influence my own journey, but, possibly, influence their journey in the process, and that may not be all bad.