Taste Test

In an effort not to eat and add to my already cumbersome girth, I've been doing a bit of web surfing, reading articles about this 'n that until it's time to take on Day 2 of the first week of the new semester.

My wandering took me to the worst-dressed winners at last week's Globes: who doesn't like to see fashion disaster in a designer label? I've often wondered if the dressee ever looks into the mirror before catching the limo ride to the event. If she does, is she looking into a magic mirror that always assures that she's is the fairest of them all because one look into my bathroom mirror would have sent her scurrying for a do-over.

So, here are my comments on a few of the winners.

It is obvious that no one told J-Lo that from the back, she rolls. My guess is that she hasn't been working out as the flab is obvious and exposing miles of it to the cameras wasn't a good decision.

Rene Zellwegger looked absolutely awful. Adding to the ugliness was the white support bra worn under the thoroughly transparent hooker's outfit someone convinced her would be edgy (or whatever the current term is). And her lips! The plumper is one thing, but pouting her lips to maximize the swelling is so unattractive. Just say cheese, Rene.

So much for Heidi Klum's integrity as a fashion expert. Honest to God, she looks like a refugee from Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory: big, round, and bright, shiny blue.

Laura Dern is also wearing one of those see-through lingerie dresses, the ones with obvious boning to add shape, but not much else. Her painful expression pretty much captures the only comment necessary as she must have realized too late that the outfit should have stayed home.

Whoever Madeleine Martin is, I hope someone else decided to dress her for this event so she can fire the person and make her own decisions in the future. Much too short, much too colorful (in a shade I describe as blue vomit), a huge pattern -- and she looks like she's built like a brick outhouse (no offense to brick outhouses).

Two of the worst dressed, however, I think were stunning.

The first is Drew Barrymore, who looked absolutely, drop-dead gorgeous from head to toe. The stunning gown, elegant posture, and beautiful hair all created a princess effect that Drew pulled off perfectly. I have no idea why the critic who dissed her thought to add her to the worst dressed list.

The other is Marisa Tomei, who was, indeed, dressed simply, but appropriately. She didn't dazzle, she just looked nice. I wasn't as taken with the hair, which appeared to be newly-dyed too black, scraped back from her face, and puffed a bit too high above her forehead. It wasn't a party-do, it was a working in the yard do, but the rest of her was quite acceptable.

My endeavors took me an hour away from food, which is good, but now it is time to start pulling instructional materials together, go gas up the truck, and head for the classroom.