IT'S MY *!@%*!! WEDDING!

Bridezilla is one of those television shows that is painful to watch, but almost like an accident on the freeway: it's hard not to sneak a peek if you have to pass it anyway. As thousands of unplanned dollars are pledged to make the bride’s day perfect—and the future of her marriage questionable—close-ups show the blushing bride screaming invectives at her prospective husband, her formerly closest friends in bondage to the bride’s every whim, and the merchants valiantly trying to accommodate the bride’s every wish, no matter what it is and/or how often it changes.

What should be a beautiful, memorable day for everyone involved in the wedding process can be summed up in one oft-repeated phrase used by the bride to justify her conduct: IT’S MY *!@%*!! WEDDING!

Take the most abominable 2-year-old, the one who gets a guest spot on Super Nanny, age her a bit, put an engagement ring on her finger, and you have the premise for Bridezillas. It’s not about what I need, but it’s all about what I want, and I want it all! Do not question me: I AM THE *!@%*!! BRIDE!

Okay, so one show in this genre is enough to make the point that really, women, you need to stop thinking with your tiara and train and regain a smidgen of control over your life and your emotions. If the groom is willing to accept your out-of-control behavior and total disregard for all the wonderful qualities that brought the two of you together, somehow believing that once “your day” is done, “our marriage” will be fine, then perhaps he deserves to be shackled to you ‘til death do you part. Personally, I think the man who will tolerate this behavior is a *!@%*!! idiot.

And my totally left-brained reaction is always who’s going to pay the bills? Never has a bride been on budget, but blows right past the outer limits with the “it’s MY wedding” mantra. I’ve seen parents—and prospective grooms—mortgage their homes, cash out retirement funds, and max out credit cards to pay for extravagant events that are history tomorrow. No matter how perfect the day seems, the next day dawns with the horror of “how are we going to pay for this?”

Now, the same mentality that brings us Bridezilla has a new niche market, the pampered teen girl who wants a significant event to mark her rite of passage at either age 15 (the Hispanic quinceñera) or 16 (the traditional “Sweet 16” celebration). The horror of this show is that it is now the parents who allow out-of-control teenage girls to control them, to demand that whatever they want for the party must be delivered no expense spared, and who cry, threaten, and curse their parents into getting their way. Girls spend money without any conscious concept of how much is flowing through their parents’ fingers, purchasing a couple of expensive designer dresses so they can change their appearance half-way through the event, demanding cakes and flowers that can easily accrue a $20,000 tab, and insisting on the hottest live bands and venues that rival the most glamorous Hollywood parties.

It’s a runaway train wreck for which the parents seem ready, willing, and able to pay the tab, or totally unable to just say NO!

One young girl not only doubled the budget for her event to avenge a recent boyfriend’s break-up, but she also told her father that he could give her the $3000 in cash for the mother’s failure to provide the centerpiece of flowers the girl wanted in an effort to trim the spending. The nasty celebrant got her way with her father, and then ground salt into the boyfriend when he came calling after he saw the totally hot sports car her parents presented her. His reasoning: I could be driving that car, and all it costs me is making up with the girl. Her reaction: *!@%*!! off!

I’m thinking, “Dude, there’s a reason you broke up with her: she is so into herself that there is no room in her life for anyone else. How could driving a cool car possibly justify spending time with her?”

We live what we learn, and we’re teaching our children values that are, at best, questionable. If we raise our children with the expectation of yes, they don’t learn to respect no. If we want to justify our failure to parent by putting the child in charge of not only her life, but ours too, then we create not just a monster child, but a lifestyle dictated by our children. If we are unwilling or unable to do the parenting job, why do we feel that our teenage children are better equipped to do it for us?

Parents often want to block violence from their children’s TV viewing choices, but I believe that programs such as Bridezillas, American Princess, Platinum Weddings, and the teen party scene are in many ways worse. Children may be scared by violence, but being afraid often helps keep a child safe. If they are nurtured by permissiveness and excess, the lack of boundaries creates a dangerous mindset that they are totally in control of their lives and there are no consequences for their decisions and/or their actions. If something bad happens, someone else will fix it and pay the bill.

Children need to be children, parented by people who care about the future and the values that child will live by in their adult life. It is obvious from the current trend in ego-centric television programs that the values parents have instilled in young women are founded on the extrinsic motivation of material gain and social status.

When one bridezilla questioned the loyalty of a bridesmaid, the girl failed the test and was dropped from the wedding party. My reaction: lucky you to find a way to get out of the train wreck alive! My sympathy went to the poor bride's victims who were not so quick-witted and passed the test!